


Love and Madness

by VioletAmet



Series: Capricious [3]
Category: Shadowrun: Hong Kong
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex, Manipulation, Rating May Change, Torture, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-13 08:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16014230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletAmet/pseuds/VioletAmet
Summary: Capricious has been given a "special gift", that she despises.Takes place some time later in "Capricious", when everyone learns about her condition, but before the finale.Before you read, please note that this story in particular contains sensitive subjects, such as what I had written in the tags. From Chapter 4 onward, it's going to be bad, but I always make sure to make note of it before the chapter itself. If you're sensitive to such things, then please, go read something else that will make you happier and comfortable. There are better stories than this out there, seriously. Take it easy folks.





	1. Emerald Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again, with this "Capricious" nonsense! Woo! Sorry. This was something I had juggled in my head for awhile, and I think I will dabble a bit more into it. Sorry for any mistakes. Take it easy folks!
> 
> WARNING - Violence, torture, mentions and implications of sex.

Capricious didn’t expect to get a message from Reliable Matthew, especially about a special package that he had for her. When she arrived to his shop, as usual, she gazed her eyes over the displays that he had set up. All the drones seemed to be in good shape, but Capricious couldn’t bring herself to buy one, even though some part of her really wanted to.  
  
Besides, she already has a rigger on her crew, not that having more drones would be a bad thing. It’s just better to save her nuyen for a better board, or a computer part that she would need to replace an old one with.  
  
“Hello there, beautiful!” Matthew greeted her, with his usual business man smile.  
  
She chuckled as she gave him a wave, though some part of her never felt comfortable with him acting like this. She tried to figure out what she could do to help, but in the end, maybe it would be best to let it be, and let the man continue his work as always. “Hi, Matt. Do you still have the package?”  
  
“Indeed I do! One moment!” Matthew went into his trailer, and for a brief moment, Capricious could see the many red lights fixed on her, before he shut the door behind him.  
  
They were worse than Koschei, she thought, before shaking off the feeling, and looked at the box in Matthew’s hands. A metal cube, that was bigger than she expected, with a beautiful, yet familiar design of orchid painted in gold. As soon as she took it, an odd sensation similar to electricity ran down from her datajack to her spine, nearly making her drop the box.  
  
Capricious quickly composed herself, and breathed out a heavy sigh. She gave Matthew a forced smile. “Thanks,” she said, before digging into her pockets for her credstick. “Here you go.”  
  
Matthew shook his head as he backed away. “I was paid to give it to you, beautiful, so don’t worry about the nuyen.”  
  
Capricious blinked. “Who was this person, if I may ask?”  
  
Matthew shrugged. “Some elf.”  
  
Capricious’ grip on the box grew tighter. “Did he have green eyes?”  
  
“Yeah, green eyes, slender figure, and a glowing tattoo of an orchid on his neck.”  
  
Capricious glanced at the box with a scowl. There really was no way to escape from him, she thought. “I see… thank you, Matthew. See you!”  
  
“It’s a pleasure doing business!” he said as he waved her away.

  
  
Capricious placed the box on her desk before she took her seat. She couldn’t deny that it looked magnificent, even though she wanted to fling it into the littered ocean.  
  
But something about it couldn’t bring her to do it.  
  
She ran her fingers over the metal, tracing the orchid, until she came across a piece of paper tucked away in between a slot. Once she pulled it out, she heard a click from within. She opened the paper to read a note written in English and in cursive. “Look at how much it had grown, Carmen.”  
  
Capricious pursed her lips. It could only mean one thing.  
  
The box continued to click, whirr, then opened itself up. From within, a small round drone crawled out, and fixed it’s lens onto her. She stared at it silently, before making it move from one end of her desk, to the other, clicking it’s spider like legs on the surface. Capricious found herself smiling at the drone, until she remembered who had improved it, and send it to her.  
  
Without a second thought, she cut the connection between them, stuffed the drone back in the box, and ran out of her room. She came to a stop when she saw that Racter was about to leave, which shouldn’t be unusual, but is a rare sight to see him out of his workshop. What wasn’t unexpected was Koschei close behind him. With a smile, she gave them a wave and was about to wish them the best, until Racter saw the box in her arm.  
  
“A gift?” he asked.  
  
Capricious blinked then looked down at the box. Despite the feeling of utter disgust in the pit of her stomach, she still smiled, and answered, “Yeah… but it’s just trash. I’d plan to throw it out into the ocean.”  
  
Racter chuckled as he opened the door to let her out first. “I hope that the person who gave it to you doesn’t figure that out, my friend,” he said as he followed her to the edge of the boat.  
  
“Me too.” Capricious stared at the box for a moment, before pushing it off the edge. To her surprise, the drone jumped out mid fall, and dug it’s legs into the side of the boat. Racter gave it a low whistle from how impressed he was, while Capricious yelled at it, “Get out of my life, you piece of junk!”  
  
The drone climbed upwards to jump onto Capricious’ shirt, and up to her shoulder. She grabbed it, and was about to fling it into the water, until it was snatched away by Racter. She watched him play with the drone, tossing it from one gloved hand to the other, before letting it settle on the palm of his hand. The drone fixed it’s lens on him, before climbing up his arm. “Not bad,” Racter stated, as he let the drone crawl around his shoulder. “But, could use some more work.”  
  
Capricious scoffed. “If you’re so impressed by it, you can keep it! I don’t want that thing spying on me anymore!”  
  
“Spy?”  
  
Capricious chewed on her lip as she struggled to repress the memories of her time in prison. Instead she just walked away from Racter and Koschei without another word.

  
  
As soon as she shut the door, the drone in Racter’s hand became lifeless. A smile played on his lips as he pocketed the object, and went down the steps with Koschei close behind. On his way to the nearest convenience store to buy a new pack of cigarettes, Racter spotted a man slink away into the dark alleys of Heoi. It might had been another stalker, but without knowing for sure, Racter decided to ignore him.  
  
—  
  
“Oh come on!” Capricious yelled out, before jacking out of her computer. Once again, Isobel proved to be the superior decker, and hacked her way into Capricious’ data. While it was more like training on who could be the fastest hacker and defender, it was also sort of like a game for her, which more often than not leaves her upset.  
  
But Isobel’s giggle made Capricious perk up. It’s not often that she had seen her so happy outside of the Matrix, so it’s not so bad to lose every now and again. “Maybe next time, Cap,” Isobel said through her speakers.  
  
“Maybe,” Capricious repeated, before she saw her monitor flicker for a brief moment. That’s usually a sign that either Isobel had left or entered her system. Sometimes it's hard to tell.  
  
Once she wiped away the saliva on her mouth, and got up from her chair to stretch her limbs, she spotted Koschei standing outside her room. He dragged one leg against the ground gently towards himself, as if beckoning her to follow him. Without question, she did, down to the workshop.  
  
“Good afternoon, my friend,” Racter greeted her with his usual smile. He gave Koschei a gentle pat, before he went up to wrap his arm around Capricious’ shoulder in a friendly manner.  
  
“Well, you did send Koschei to come get me,” she said with a smile. “Would be rude of me to decline.”  
  
“But I wouldn’t hold it against you if you did, as you would have visited me anyway, my friend.”  
  
Of course she would, she thought, but she didn’t want to admit he is right. “Sure, Racter… what do you need me for anyway?”  
  
Racter gently pulled Capricious closer to his desk, to bring her attention to the pieces scattered across his table. Two halves of a sphere, pieces of wires, a circuit board, a small red light, thin pieces of plastic, and a single lens that once belonged to the drone. She narrowed her eyes at the sight of the memory card off to the side.  
  
“Did you… check that?” she asks while pointing at it.  
  
Racter let her go to pull out their chairs for them to sit. “I had,” he answered.  
  
Capricious’ lowered her head as her blood began to boil, while she grasp the legs of her pants in a tight grip. She desperately want to yell at him about how invasive he was, to look through those files without her permission. But she bit her tongue. It was not him that she wanted to yell anyway.  
  
“But, most of the data was corrupted. Let me show you.” He slotted the card into the terminal, and brought up files that were saved within it. He clicked on them one after another to show Capricious that he wasn’t lying.  
  
Until he brought up one old recording of Capricious during her time in prison.  
  
She focused her gaze on the fuzzy image of herself that she could barely recognize. Her usual brown skin had become pale. Her once well kept dark brown hair all shaggy and a mess. Her brown eyes surrounded by dark rings. She was a complete mess then, not that she is much different now. Arguably, she has been better since then.  
  
It just felt surreal to see her past self in such a sorry state of depression and agony. She had most likely recorded this few days after her diagnoses back in prison.  
  
Though her voice was hard to hear from all the static, she could still remember everything that she had said to her recorder that day. “Buddy…” she whispered.  
  
Racter raised a brow at her. “Pardon me, my friend, but what did you say?”  
  
Capricious looked down at the pieces of the drone. “‘Buddy’… it was a name I gave to this drone, before it was tampered with.” She took in a deep breath, before picking up the lens. “It was originally something that I’d built to record my experience in prison, before and after the surgery, but when Jason got involved… well, things turned soured for me. All it takes is a tryst for him to think that I belonged to him, and then, he turned Buddy into a spy drone.”  
  
She placed the piece back down. “I mean, yeah, sure, I didn’t mind him being so… dominating at first, but that was before I learned why he got into prison, you know? Everywhere I go, he was there. Everytime I went to the bathroom, he would be waiting outside. Even when I was sleeping, he would be watching me… with or without ‘Buddy’.” Capricious felt her heart beat faster, nearly making her go into a panic attack, but with a deep breath, she calmed down a little.  
  
She then turned to Racter as he stared at her quietly with a cigarette between his teeth.  
  
“Anyway, I assume you know English, right?” she asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
“Of course,” he replied in English, before switching back to Cantonese, “But, about this man… do you believe he is here in Heoi?”  
  
Capricious pursed her lips, before giving a nod. “Yes, actually, even though he shouldn’t know that I am here, considering the whole… you know… dead to the world thing. But, as terrible as this sounds, I had hoped he found someone else to stalk.”  
  
“That does not seem to be case here, my unfortunate friend,” Racter replied as he tapped the cigarette to let the ashes fall. “The pieces of that drone here is proof enough.”  
  
Capricious hummed lowly as she glared at the pieces from the corner of her eye, before turning back to Racter.  
  
“Knowing that, what will you do now? Ignore him and hope that he leaves you alone? Or confront him?”  
  
Capricious wrapped her cybernetic hand around her left arm. “I… don’t know.” She could feel her heart pacing at the thought of facing Jason again. “I want to hurt him… but, honestly… I don’t want to kill him…”  
  
Racter’s eyes narrowed as he took in a deep breath of the cigarette. “Why not?” he asked, letting a stream of smoke pour out from his lips.  
  
Capricious paused. “I don’t know.”  
  
“No, my friend,” Racter said as Koschei’s engines whirred, “you do know why. You still have feelings for him, don’t you?”  
  
Capricious gave Racter a sharp glare. “What makes you say that?” she replied while trying to repress her anger.  
  
“Remember that doctor that lured you out with your information? Dr. Greene wasn’t it? Well, you didn’t hesitate to let me kill him, as well as many others. Why not do the same for this former lover of yours? To kill him off for good so you wouldn’t have to worry about your safety?”  
  
“Just because I don’t want to kill him, doesn’t mean I am in love with Jason!” she yelled, despite how hard she struggled to keep it to herself.  
  
As he shifted in his seat, his icy gaze briefly turned red from the lights that framed his face, while he gave her a grin, revealing his strong sharp teeth. He is really no different than a predatory creature, she thought, which sent chills up her spine, while also making her feel weak. “Love is a fickle thing my friend,” he said, “and so are you.”  
  
“Oh…?” Capricious forced out a laugh, despite Koschei growing louder. “Are you saying you don’t trust me anymore, Racter?”  
  
Racter was silent as he took in another drag of the cigarette.  
  
“I see…” Capricious shrugged. “Well, unfortunately for you, I trust you… and dare I say it, I love you. You know this. You always have. But, if you don’t trust me, then I guess I have no choice but to simply take my leave, and never come back.”  
  
“Do you really want to leave, Capricious?” Racter asked in a cold tone, that did not faze her. “Do you really want to cut all ties with me?”  
  
“Do you want me to?” Capricious stared into his eyes, trying to stand her ground, despite Koschei’s engines roaring behind her.  
  
Once another puff of smoke danced into the air from his lips, he grabbed her arm to pull her closer. “I found the idea unpleasant, and would rather have you by my side, than his,” he whispered. He then released her. “Besides, you are getting me wrong, my friend - I’ve not said I didn’t trust you. I do. But, love is still a fickle thing, and so are you.”  
  
Capricious felt her heart beat fast against her chest with how rough he was. Sure, Capricious has questionable taste in people, but she has standards. Low standards, but still standards. “That may be so… but, I don’t think my feelings had changed since I’ve last saw him. He still creeps me out.” Her eyes flitter over the pieces before laying them on Racter with a smile. “Anyway, I will think about it. You can keep this piece of trash for yourself, except for the memory card.” She extended her hand out to take it.  
  
Racter plucked it out from his terminal, and placed it down on the palm of her hand.  
  
She gave him a smile as she stuffed it into her pocket. Out of curiosity, Capricious drew closer to Racter, though he still had the cigarette in hand. He didn’t move like she did when he did the same thing to her, instead, he just watched her with a grin. She then giggled as she backed away. “I really can’t tease you,” she said while shaking her head. “Too bad. Would have loved to see a reaction out of you, aside from your usual smile. See you, Racter.”  
  
—  
  
“You have another stalker, Cap?” Duncan asked, looking down at her as she sat in her chair.  
  
“Yep,” she replied.  
  
She had to tell Duncan about the drone that is now in the workshop, and explained to him about her relationship with Jason. His muscles tensed up in anger. One thing he could not believe was the fact she had a thing with another prisoner. Raymond would had been furious with her, maybe more so than learning about Duncan’s ex-boyfriend, with the whole “No dating” rule. He huffed out a sigh as he planted his feet apart, and placed his hands on his hips as he stood as straight as possible.  
  
Capricious stared at him with a perked brow and a smile. While he surely is quite intimidating, she saw Duncan as anything but an officer of the law. After all, everything that had shaped them into who they are was ripped away once they became shadowrunners, except for the fact they are still brother and sister, though not by blood.  
  
“So what is your plan then, Cap?”  
  
“I don’t know… but, if I go look for Jason, I don’t want you there, as you will no doubt strangle him to death before I can even talk to man.”  
  
Duncan’s eyes narrowed as his lips thinned. “You’re planning to bring that Russian with you,” he said.  
  
Capricious blinked. “Racter is not all that bad, despite how much you question him, Duncan. Sure, he is… off putting, but I don’t really care. I mean, we have a ghoul, bro. A ghoul! Do you think I have high standards? No! Despite everything that we have suffered from, I wanted to give Gaichu a chance, and I still have no regrets since then. I promise, they are very interesting people if you speak to them yourself!”  
  
“That’s what you say, but I think I rather stay away from them myself, sis.”  
  
How narrow minded he is, Capricious thought as she turned to her computer. “Everyone on this ship and out there in Heoi, except Kindly Cheng and Bao, are my friends, Duncan, even if you don’t like it. Sure, it’s a dog eat dog world, but it isn’t as black and white as you might think. It’s shades of grey, with a little bit of color sprinkled in.”  
  
“Shades and tints of grey, with crimson paint splattered all over the canvas,” Duncan said, making her chuckle.  
  
“I guess… but really, there is a whole variety of colors, aside from red, bro. But, that’s just how I see it. I guess being stuck in prison made me think that way.” She shrugged before she wiped away the data on her memory card. “Anyway, when I go out to find Jason, I am going to bring Gaichu or Racter with me, okay?”  
  
Duncan glared at her in silence, before he let out a huff. “Fine, sis. It’s your problem anyway.”  
  
“Exactly.”  
  
—  
  
Capricious sang a melody as she walked down the streets of Heoi with Racter and Koschei close behind.  
  
Gaichu was already on his own hunt, so Racter was the only one left she could rely on to watch her back.  
  
Maybe she should had brought Duncan, but she stood by her opinion. Sure, he is definitely not pleased with it, but it seems that he has finally learned that nothing can change Capricious’ mind.  
  
“So, you’re fluent in Spanish,” Racter pointed out, which made her stop singing.  
  
“Ah, yeah… it was my parents primary language…” Capricious tried to muster up a smile as she looked around. “There wasn’t a lot of Spanish speakers, so I had to practice it on my own, even when I lived with Raymond. It was hard, but important to me to never forget where I had come from. Sure, I’m bitter about my dad, since he had left us, but I loved my mom.” She grew silent as she struggled to remember their faces, but it’s all a blur now. “Anyway, that doesn’t matter. As you say, we have to focus on the future.”  
  
Racter smiled as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s good to hear you say that, my friend.”  
  
Capricious giggled bashfully. “Well, I would like to think of myself as your assistant, Racter. A mad scientists can’t be without an assistant.” She nodded her head towards Koschei. “Not that Koschei hasn’t been doing a fine job himself, but without a sound board, what can you do?”  
  
Racter let out a snort as he lifted up his hand to pull out a cigarette. “I believe we would had been just fine by ourselves, my friend.” Once he lit it up, he watched the smoke disappear into the air. “But, I suppose I should be grateful for all that you have done for us.”  
  
“I just did what I thought was right,” she said as she eyed the environment around them. “You had something stolen from you, so why not help you take it back? Everyone has their own set of problems, and if I can at least help them in someway, I don’t mind. Sure, it’s risky, but I’ve been through worse. A bullet or two is not as bad has having a tumor grow inside you…”  
  
“Speaking of,” Racter blew out a puff of smoke, “did you ever think about having children?”  
  
Capricious turned to Racter in surprise, as that was one question she did not expect from him. “No… why do you ask?”  
  
Racter shrugged. “I was curious. I’m sure you have been asked many times before by others, but unlike us, they don’t know that you can’t bear children naturally. You may have to give your eggs to another person who can, and let them endure the process in your place, or adopt.”  
  
Capricious lowered her eyes to Racter’s lower half, trying to see through the fabric of his pants to get an idea of what his cybernetics legs might look like. She had only seen his feet, but not the rest. “I’d rather adopt,” she replied while lost in thought. “But, for as long as I am working as a shadowrunner, I rather not have children. Losing a parent, or parental figure, is a terrible feeling. A wound that can never be healed.”  
  
“My eyes are up here, my friend,” Racter said as he raised up Capricious’ head by her chin. She wasn’t ashamed for staring, but he must had felt uncomfortable.  
  
“Sorry, Racter,” she said as she lowered his hand gently. “Did you ever thought about having kids yourself? Like is it even possible for you?”  
  
Racter shook his head with a scowl. “First of all, my friend, I had lost that ability when my lower half was taken in the accident. Second, why would I have children, if I already have Koschei? He is better than a child, and much more easier to take care of. Besides, having a child that shares my traits would be… difficult, I’d think.”  
  
Capricious remembered their discussions about his childhood, and how harsh it was to be under the eyes and care of such vicious parents. He might be trying to distant himself away from them, but he can’t really escape from the past, no matter how hard he tries to. Or at least, that is what she believes.  
  
With a smile, she wrapped her arms around him into a hug. “Koschei is indeed a wonderful drone, Racter. Better than any child. You should be proud.”  
  
Racter paused as he looked down at her. “I am indeed, my friend. However, there is still the idea of the future we had discussed, and since you’ve told me you would stand by my side, I wonder if you’re willing to give yourself to me fully. Studying you will indeed benefit me to understand more of the female anatomy, especially considering your condition.”  
  
Capricious let him go with a snort and blushing cheeks. “Basically, you want a ‘thorough exam’, don’t you, Racter? I’d thought the files of my cancer is enough for you.”  
  
“It has been some time since you’ve last been properly examined, my friend. But, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, then I will drop it.”  
  
Capricious hummed as she began to think about it, and ran her cybernetic hand down her face. “Now I can’t get it out of my head… thanks.”  
  
Racter chuckled as he adjusted his coat.  
  
“But the way you phrased yourself about the posthuman future, is no different than childbirth,” She paused as she tried to remember what he had said. “A testbed for the future of our species, a birthplace for a new form of life… something that you will help usher into the world.” She then shrugged. “Something that I had planned to help you out with, even though I have no idea on how you’re going to do it. But, that’s what makes it so interesting, I think. It’s not often to meet someone so passionate about a goal, and I can’t deny that you have got me curious, even if I am scared of it.”  
  
Racter took another drag of his cigarette, before wrapping his arm around Capricious’ neck. “It’s only natural for you to be scared, my friend. But, I’d promised you that the world will be a better place for it. Give it time, and you’ll see.”  
  
Capricious breathed out a heavy sigh. “And I swore I will stick by your side, Racter. But, I worry that you won’t live long enough to see your ambitions bear fruit.”  
  
Racter let out a snort as he held her closer. “Having such negative thoughts would only hold you back, my friend. I will seek a way around mortality as well.”  
  
“Then your first step into seeking immortality is to stop smoking, Racter.”  
  
Racter decided to ignore that sentence, which didn’t surprise her.  
  
What did was the sight of something gleaming in the dark, before Racter let out a grunt and dropped his cigarette. Capricious’ eyes widen by the sight of the knife in his forearm, while Racter stared at it with narrow eyes. He was about to pull it out, until Capricious yelled, “Don’t!”  
  
Racter gave her a look before he pulled it out, despite her protests.  
  
Capricious’ raised her hands up to her head as she growled at him through clenched teeth. “Are you an idiot?! You should never do that!”  
  
Racter scoffed as he examined the knife. Etched into the handle was a design of an orchid, something that Capricious was very familiar with. She took the knife from his hands, and stepped forward, waving it into the air. “Where the hell are you, Jason?!” she shouted in English. “Come out!”  
  
A tall hooded figure stepped forward. “Long time no see, dear,” he spoke in Cantonese. Once he lowered his hoodie, she could see a plate of metal on his neck. No doubt, he implanted a linguasoft, she thought.  
  
“Don’t call me ‘dear’, Jason, I am not your girlfriend anymore!”  
  
Jason shook his head as he stepped forward. “You’re still someone special to me, Carmen. Even if you may had found someone else during your time here in Hong Kong.” He laid his eyes upon Racter for a moment, before looking back at Capricious.  
  
With a snarl, Capricious swung her right arm to snap her whip before his feet. He raised up his hands as he backed away. “Oh, aren’t you kinky. Did you get sick of being submissive, Carmen?”  
  
Capricious’ felt her cheeks flush as she swung her whip again. “Shut up, you bastard!”  
  
Jason stepped back, then clicked his fingers to send a bolt of energy towards her, only to miss as Racter yanked Capricious with him to the ground. When did he learn how to do that, she thought, as she stared at Jason in disbelief.  
  
She then heard Koschei roar before he rushed towards the elf in incredible speed. “Wait, stop!” she called out to him, but it was too late as she heard Jason cry out in pain as he was slammed into the ground. Koschei dug his limbs deep into his shoulders, but stood still.  
  
Capricious looked at Racter as he seemed quite pleased with himself. Of course he is, she thought, before she stood up. “Listen, Racter, please don’t do anything, until I tell you to, okay?” she asked quietly.  
  
Racter’s icy gaze moved towards her with a smile still on his lips. “Very well,” he replied as he got up with her help.  
  
Capricious didn’t have a first aid kit with her to clean up his wound. Instead, she took off her jacket, and wrapped it around his arm to stop the bleeding. “I will take care of you later,” she said, then gave him a smile before she turned to Jason.  
  
She picked up the knife that she had dropped on the ground, as she approached him. “Listen, Jason, you and I are not a thing anymore. What we had done in prison was a mistake. Besides, how did you even find me? My identity should had been erased!”  
  
Despite how deep Koschei dug his limbs into his shoulders, Jason chuckled. “It took me a long time, but I saw you once before, my dear. Right when you were kidnapped.” He paused as he stared into her eyes. “I was the one who did it.”  
  
Capricious blinked as the memories of the time flashed in her mind. “You… were the one…?”  
  
“Indeed… but don’t worry, I didn’t do anything that I wasn’t supposed to. I wanted to save you, in fact, but this thing here hurt me, which angered me… so, I had to make you suffer as well.”  
  
Capricious turned to Koschei. His engines were still whirring, growling even, like a beast. A smile crept on her lips as she looked back at Jason, and knelt down to take his hand. “Oh? How sweet,” she drawled, before pinching his middle finger between her cybernetic ones. She then bent it backwards to break it, making him yell out in pain. “I had suffered worse than you did, Jason.” She broke another finger. “But nothing I couldn’t handle.” Then another. “What Koschei had done to you is nothing. In fact, I think you deserve more.”  
  
She then dropped his hand and stood up straight. “Racter, do you mind if I handle this?”  
  
“Go ahead,” he replied.  
  
Jason grit his teeth as Koschei pulled his limbs out.

Once the drone returned to Racter’s side, he gently ran his hand over his chassis as he watched in curiosity.

With a stomp, Capricious broke Jason’s other hand, before she pressed her knee against his stomach. Jason seemed a little too excited to be underneath her, despite the pain, until Capricious changed her cybernetic hand into claws. She then dug her nails into his neck, forcing him to choke and spit out blood. “If things were different, maybe, just maybe, I would had let you go… unfortunately, you have to die, so you won’t spill out the truth about me and my brother to the world.” She then raised up her hand to dig her fingers into his chest, as if she was trying to rip his heart out. She then stared into his emerald eyes that still looked so beautiful to her, despite the tears. “You had a chance to live. To forget about me. But, here you are, suffering.” She paused as she looked down at her hand. “You deserve worse than this...”  
  
Capricious pulled back her hand, then took his knife to plunge it into his heart. “Go suffer in hell, you bastard.” With a smile on his lips, he struggled to raise his hand up to touch her face, only for her to slap it away. Capricious twisted the knife as she pushed it down further, and waited until he breathed his last breath to let go.  
  
She sat up straight, staring at him silence. Slowly, the realization of what she had just done crept up on her, making her laugh while tears started to well up in her eyes. “You bastard…” she muttered. “Why… why do you… why did… why?!” she sobbed, before screaming out a cry of anguish. “You deserved this! Why do I hate it?! Why can’t I be happy that you’re gone, Jason?! Why?!”  
  
Racter approached her quietly to help her back on her feet.  
  
She couldn’t laugh like she usually does during times like this. There was no humor to be found here, she thought, just tragedy.  
  
Capricious turned when she heard footsteps approach them from behind. She blinked the tears from her eyes to see Gaichu.  
  
It wasn’t difficult for him to put two and two together once he sniffed the air.  
  
“Do what you want with that body…” Capricious said. “I’m heading back to the ship.”  
  
Gaichu bowed his head as he walked up to the corpse.  
  
“I shall stay behind to help,” Racter said.  
  
“But, what about your wound?” Capricious asked.  
  
Racter gave her a smile, though it contained no hint of warmth. “Don’t you worry, my friend, I will take care of it. I will also wash your jacket for you.”  
  
Capricious stared at him in silence, before she huffed and turned away. “Fine… see you guys later.”

  
Once she was out of sight, Gaichu traced his fingers over the body. “An elf…?”  
  
“An ex-boyfriend of hers,” Racter replied, while he let Koschei tear one of Jason's arms off. “He sent a ‘special gift’ to our little friend, to remind her that he would always be watching her, no matter where she is.” Racter let out a snort as he shook his head. “It’s almost as if he wants to keep her bound up for himself. Why do that, when she has so much potential? I’ve only seen a glimpse of it, but if she could, she would had done much more to him, than just simply tear into his throat, and stabbed him with his own knife.”  
  
“But, she is not like you, Racter,” Gaichu spoke up as he picked up the limb. “Capricious’ emotions is what drives her to do what she believes is right, though she is aware of the consequences of her actions. To kill someone that she once shared a special connection with must had wounded her deeper than either of us could imagine.” He then heard Racter pick up the rest of the body itself. “Well, not like you could sympathise with her, anyway.”  
  
“Then what is your opinion, my ghoulish companion, on what she had done to her former lover?”  
  
Gaichu paused to think about it. “It’s not my place to say… however, I will do what I can to support her. What about you?”  
  
Racter pursed his lips while Koschei shook his body to shake off the blood. “I don’t believe she would take my condolences seriously, knowing that I found it much more interesting and amusing than unfortunate. Even if she comes crying to me about it, what can I do, except act as if I pity her?”  
  
Gaichu hummed lowly. “But she would certainly go to you for comfort in ways that no one else in the ship can,” Gaichu said. “I certainly don’t know what she sees in you, but, I hope that whatever happens in the future, whatever either of you do, won’t affect all of us. Without her as our leader, we would only fall apart.”  
  
Racter frowned at the thought of her leaving the crew. “That would be no different than betrayal…” he muttered.  
  
Gaichu turned his head towards him with narrowed eyes. “Would you hurt her if she did betray us? Or rather, you?”  
  
Racter said nothing, as he left to dispose the body, with Koschei close behind.  
  
Gaichu huffed out a sigh before he raised the arm up to his nose. There was no hint of it being tainted, but he could smell something strange coming from the hands. The elf must had practiced magic, not that it matters to him. All he needs is the flesh to cook.  
  
—  
  
After a hot shower to clean off the blood, Capricious collapsed onto her bed.  
  
She did not feel proud of what she had done, but neither did she regret it.  
  
What bothered her instead was the thought that Jason was satisfied with her killing him. As if that was something he wanted her to do all along, from the moment their bodies intertwined.  
  
When the memory of it resurfaced, she groaned in frustration as she felt her abdomen tingle. Why crave for it now, even though she just took his life? Why even care anymore?  
  
Capricious reached out to the cable that is connected to her computer to jack into the Matrix and lose herself for a moment, until she heard a knock on her door. “Come in!” she called out to them.  
  
It was Duncan that had knocked. He stepped inside, but kept his distance as he crossed his arms. “Both Gaichu and Racter came back, and told me what happened. Are you… all right?”  
  
Capricious dropped the cable as she sat up. “No, Duncan, I am not. I am far from all right.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s what I’d thought. I’ve heard and seen victims killing their abusers before, and almost every time, they say they feel like shit for what they have done. Sometimes, they feel happy to be free… but that bothers me more than feeling regret.”  
  
“But, I don’t feel regret, Duncan. Jason followed me here, even though he shouldn’t… I just… I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to feel anymore.”  
  
Duncan sighed as he decided to sit next to her, and wrapped her in a tight hug. She struggled to hold back her tears, but she couldn’t. It all came pouring from her eyes once again as she buried her head into his chest.  
  
“Why?” she mumbled. “Why? Why? Why?” she repeated over and over, even as she started to hiccup.  
  
He couldn’t answer her. There was nothing he could say to calm her down. There were no right words to make her feel better.  
  
This was just something she had to adjust by herself.  
  
Eventually, Capricious stopped crying, and laid back down on her bed. “Please leave me alone, Duncan… I feel exhausted.”

“Okay, sis,” Duncan replied, as he gave her a pat on the arm before he left the room. “Good night.”  
  
—  
  
From the moment she woke up, Capricious caught the scent of toast, eggs, and bacon. Quietly, she stepped out of the room into the kitchen to see that there was a plate wrapped up in tinfoil with a note on it. “Hope you enjoy this, sis,” she read.  
  
Capricious smiled as she unwrapped the foil, to reveal the food underneath. Without hesitation, she slapped the eggs and bacon between the toasted bread, and went at it like a beast.  
  
She gulped it all down with some water, and sat back into the couch, satisfied.  
  
“Good morning, Capricious,” Gaichu said as he rose up from the hatch. From head to toe, he covered himself in layers of clothing, which was an extremely rare sight. “I hope you are doing all right.”  
  
“Indeed I am,” she replied with a small smile. “I mean… I don’t feel good, but I don’t feel bad, either.”  
  
“It’s only been less than a day, so you should take your time and rest. Whatever weighs you down at the moment will go away eventually, however, if you find yourself having difficulty, don’t hesitate to ask for help. I will be glad to lend you a shoulder to cry on.”  
  
Capricious’ smile widen as she nodded her head. “Thank you, Gaichu. I appreciate it. For now, I will just do as you say, and rest… or maybe bother someone else into annoyance with my gripes.”  
  
Gaichu chuckled briefly as he opened the door to leave. “Very well. I must go for the time being, to breathe in some fresh air. Until later, Capricious, have a good morning.”  
  
“See you, Gaichu,” she replied as she watched him close the door behind him. She then got up, and looked down at the hatch, wondering if Racter is asleep.  
  
Curious, she climbed down the stairs.  
  
He was much very awake, tapping away on his terminal with a cigarette between his fingers. The images on the blue screen blinked and changed from one thing to another, until he stopped. He turned to Capricious with a raised brow. “Good evening, my friend.”  
  
Capricious perked a brow. “It’s… morning, Racter.”  
  
Racter frowned then looked up at his terminal to check the time. He let out a grunt, before turning his gaze downward. “I suppose it is…”  
  
“Do you even sleep like a normal person?” she asked with a grin.  
  
Racter shrugged as he got up from his chair. “‘Normal’ is a subjective term, my friend.”  
  
“Maybe, but you’re still human. You have limits. You should go to sleep now, before you crash.”  
  
She could hear Koschei rumble from underneath the desk, while Racter glared at her. But, he sighed in defeat as he placed the cigarette aside, and pulled the bed forward. Before he laid down, he picked up the cigarette to finish it. “There is still so much work to be done,” he said, while watching the smoke escape from his lips.  
  
Capricious thought she heard a hint of regret in his tone. “Do you mind if I get close?” she asked.  
  
Racter waved his hand towards himself. “Feel free to sit anywhere… or perhaps you would like to lay next to me on this bed?” He gave her a wicked grin that made her blush.  
  
Capricious then burst out into laughter as she sat on the floor nearby him. “Not today, Racter. One day, maybe, but not today. Anyway, thank you for being there with me to face Jason. It… feels… weird, to say the least. I took his life with my own hands, but… I can’t shake off this feeling I have. It’s not regret, but it’s not happiness either… I told Duncan about it, and more less said the same thing to Gaichu, but… I don’t know.”  
  
Racter tap the end of the cigarette with his eyes shut, letting the ashes fall onto the metal floor. “Whatever it is that you feel is beyond my understanding, my friend. You know this.”  
  
Capricious huffed as she shook her head. “It’s a mixed feeling. I’m happy that he is dead, but I’m the one who killed him. I killed the one man who satiated my desires back in prison.”  
  
“Do you regret that, then?”  
  
“What, the fact that I banged him? Yes!” Capricious ran her hands over her face, as she let out a huff. “I feel… angry. Frustrated. I don’t know. It’s a mix baggage of feelings…”  
  
“Then I was correct. You did have feelings for him.”  
  
Capricious paused and stared at Racter in shock. “I… Is… Is that why…?”  
  
Racter let out a brief laugh as he finished the cigarette, and crushed it onto the metal ground. “Come closer, my friend,” he said, with his hand extended out to her.  
  
Capricious did not hesitate to take his hand, and knew he was going to pull her close to his face.  
  
Close enough for a kiss.  
  
She did not want to break away from him, but it would be dangerous if she lingered for too long.  
  
Besides, Racter did not get any sleep.  
  
Capricious pulled herself back with a shy smile. “I guess… The feeling won’t go away any time soon, but thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” he said. “Now then, it’s about time I should sleep, don’t you think?”  
  
Capricious giggled briefly before she got up. “Rest well, Racter,” she replied before she went up the hatch.


	2. Personal Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isobel and Capricious have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Spoilers from the game.
> 
> It's not much, but I thought having Capricious and Isobel interact and have a chat over what had happened would be interesting for me. I also wanted to dabble in what Capricious usually does in the Matrix in her spare time, at least. Don't think it's canon lore wise, but, I'm not too sure... anyway, take it easy folks.

Clouds rolled on by, while Capricious sat on the top of the pillar, staring at the horizon. The world around her flickered for a moment, and from the corner of her eye, rising to the top of the stairs, is Isobel. She seemed to be taking in the simulation that seemed similar to how one would think Heaven would look like. She then looked up at Capricious’ persona with a raised brow.   
  
Capricious in the Matrix looked much more neater than her physical self. There wasn’t much of a difference, aside from her hair, which isn’t as much as a bird’s nest, and the knee length dress that exposes her back. She doesn’t seem to have added shoes to her persona, but Isobel decided to not question it. Instead, she asked, “Is this what you’re working on, Cap?”   
  
“Yep,” Capricious replied with a smirk. “It’s… buggy,” she continued as she watched a passing cloud glitch into corrupted pixels, “but, nothing I can’t fix.”   
  
“Well, it’s impressive, I’ll give you that.” Isobel stood next to Capricious to stare at the horizon. “Is this why you put up that ‘Don’t Disturb’ sign on your door?”   
  
Capricious nodded with a hum. “But, apparently it doesn’t count in the Matrix.” She chuckled.   
  
Isobel grinned. “I was curious, so I had to find a way to access your computer. We do have to rely on the same connection to the Matrix, after all.”   
  
Capricious shook her head, but she was anything but upset. She then waved her right hand in front of her to bring up a screen to stop the simulation. The clouds disappeared, as well as the pillar, leaving them both to float in the void. “So, what do you prefer? Casual?” The world changed into something that resembled a living room, “Disco?” It then changed into a disco with flashing lights and music, “Or nothing?”   
  
“Is that all you have?”   
  
“Unfortunately.” Capricious hummed.   
  
“Let’s stick to casual, then.”   
  
Capricious nodded her head before bringing back the living room simulation. There wasn’t much to it, aside from being a room, with a long couch, and two chairs sitting across from each other, with a coffee table in the middle. Jazz music played quietly in the background. There was also a single door off to the side, which Isobel assumes is the only entrance and exit in Capricious’ server.   
  
Once the screen flickered away, the two sat in silence, enjoying the ambiance.   
  
Until Isobel asked, “Did you actually kill that man?”   
  
Capricious stared at Isobel, before she replied. “Yes.”   
  
Isobel’s lips thinned. “That’s…” she grew quiet, which made Capricious think she might had been nervous or afraid of her.   
  
“I know, it’s wrong.” Capricious shrugged. “But, he attempted to hurt me. It’s… not the first time either…”   
  
Isobel frowned. “You mean, he attacked you in prison too?”   
  
Capricious nodded her head as she leaned back into the chair. “He made me afraid of him, thinking that is what I wanted, but it’s not. At first, he was… kind, in a way. Good. He even helped me force the doctors into giving me that physical exam I needed. One of few friends, actually.” Capricious snort. “It’s… strange, but honestly, I thought I loved him, even when I saw his true colors. He was dominating, controlling, yet… sweet?”   
  
Isobel hummed as she tapped her index finger against her cheek. “Cap, that is what people would call an ‘abuser’.”   
  
Capricious gave a low chuckle and shrugged. “Yeah, I learned that after a bit of studying, but I didn’t see it that way at first. I was blinded by his affection for me… and… I loved being under his knife a few times, after the surgery.”   
  
Isobel blinked. “Excuse me?”   
  
“Well, it was like… several months after the surgery.” She shrugged. “My hormones were going crazy, and being stuck in a prison like that one was… well, chaotic, but interesting, to say the least. Criminals were the only people I can be friends with, after all.”   
  
Isobel let out a soft grunt as she stared at Capricious in disbelief. “That certainly explains a few things about you… and why you and Duncan are complete opposites.”   
  
Capricious smiled as she mentioned that. “Can I tell you a secret? Or well, it doesn’t have to be one, but I’ve never told anyone about this before but… I’m jealous of Duncan. Unlike me, he stayed with Raymond, and grew up to become an officer of the law… until… well, you know.” She ran her fingers through her virtual hair as she continued. “I’m also proud of him, too. I mean, sure, he is hot headed, and while I wish he wasn’t so narrow minded about things, he thinks critically, which is important in a world like this. I believe Raymond did a good job on raising him, while I was more of a problem child for him.”   
  
“But, from what I’ve heard and saw, you were a mediator for them. You helped them stand on common ground before we entered the Walled City to confront that demon.”   
  
Capricious blinked as she recalled that moment. She looked down at the ground in sorrow as she remembered what had happened afterward. “I… guess…”   
  
Isobel didn’t expect to see Capricious so sad, and felt ashamed. “Sorry, Cap… it must still-” “No, don’t worry,” Capricious interrupted with a smile that was more forced than genuine.  “Let’s just move on, okay?”   
  
Isobel stared at her with pursed lips, then nodded. “Okay, if that is what you want." Though she still felt awkward. "Anyway, I got some things to do, so I will see you around.”   
  
“It’s been a pleasure, Isobel. And if you ever want to talk, or challenge me, feel free to let me know.”   
  
Isobel chuckled. “I think you will need something better than your lame computer to win, Capricious, no matter how many times you try.”   
  
Capricious grinned. “I will figure something out.” She then gave her a wave. “See you.”


	3. Death and Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing like an existential crisis, eh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Violence
> 
> BTW, I'd became so confused as apparently in Shadowrun it's not orc, but ork. I had to look it up to make sure... Meh. hehe  
> Also, I'm not content with this chapter. I think I could do better, but, for now, this will have to do.

While the others were busy shooting at the enemy, Capricious went against an ork bigger than her with her whip. Unfortunately, the ork’s cybernetic arms could not be easily destroyed with her whip. She was able to grab it, and wrapped it around her arm, to drag Capricious forward, and swiftly gave one hard jab into her stomach. Not only was she winded by the blow, Capricious thought she heard a crack somewhere in her body.   
  
With clenched teeth, Capricious struggled to pull herself together, and punch the woman, but she only seemed amused by her poor attempt at fighting back.   
  
The ork easily picked her up from the ground by her throat, then threw her across the room, making her crash into a desk.   
  
Capricious thought she heard someone call out her name, but the sound of her heart beating in her ear drums made it difficult to tell who it was. As she tried to get back on her feet, she was yanked forward by the ork, since she still held on the other end of the whip. With a weak smile, Capricious believed that this was it for her, until she saw the ork suddenly stop as she stared at her in disbelief.   
  
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, before the ork was suddenly slammed into the ground by a large drone.   
  
Koschei.   
  
Capricious kept her eyes fixed on the drone as he tore into the woman, even as she collapsed onto her knees.   
  
This wasn’t the first time he had saved her, nor was this the first time she had witnessed him disembowel someone so up close. She watched meaty chunks fly out from the ork that had just punched her less than three minutes ago. Capricious let out a snort once a piece of organ landed before her.   
  
Despite how gruesome the sight was, something about it seemed humorous to her. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint why it seemed funny to her. It just was.   
  
Even when the ork’s blood splattered all over her, she grinned.   
  
Once Koschei had calmed down, he slowly turned towards Capricious.   
  
She noticed how loud his engines whirred, as if he wasn’t done just yet.   
  
She simply gave him a wave, and waited for him to attack her, but she was quickly pulled back on her feet by Duncan.   
  
“Cap?!” he shouted. “Are you okay?!”   
  
Capricious blinked. “I… guess…” she replied.   
  
That was enough to tell Duncan that she wasn’t. With a growl, he shook by her shoulders hard. “Come back to me, Carmen! You’re out of it!”   
  
“Stop that, Duncan!” she yelled as she pushed him off, and stumbled back onto the ground, landing in the pool of blood. She then turned her attention to both Racter and Isobel as they approached them. Racter seemed indifferent, while Isobel looked horrified from the sight of the ork, and forced herself to turn away.   
  
Capricious tried to get up, but the pain in her stomach forced her back down. She raised up her shirt to reveal that the ork actually stabbed her with sharp knuckles. A shaky laugh escaped from her as she pulled her shirt down, then looked up at Duncan.   
  
He rolled his shoulders with a huff as he decided to tend to her wounds. “It’s a miracle you’re still alive, Cap, I swear.”   
  
“I guess I am just that lucky, eh?” she said with a grin.   
  
“I guess,” he replied. “I mean, without me, you would had been dead long ago.”   
  
Capricious sighed as she slowly laid back onto the ground, then slowly raised up her shirt above the injury. “You did cover my back many times, so I can’t argue against that.”   
  
While Duncan pulled out a med-kit from his bag, Capricious turned to Racter as he stood next to Koschei. There was a hint of pride behind his eyes as he looked down at the drone with a smile. He should be proud, Capricious thought. The drone did such a good job at tearing into that woman, while Capricious on the other hand couldn’t.   
  
As soon as Racter raised his eyes up to meet her gaze, Capricious turned back to Duncan. She felt her heart skip a beat from the eye contact, until she hissed out in pain as soon as she felt some sort of liquid burn into her wound. “What the hell?!” she cried.   
  
“I’m trying my best here, okay? I only know the basics.”   
  
Capricious gave him a low hum, before shutting her eyes. “Just do what you can. I just want to get back on my feet, and get the hell out of here.”   
  
“Right.”   
  
As he cleaned her wound, Capricious began to think that she really is lucky. Lucky to have met him, as well as the others. Sure, there is quite a lot of bloodshed and bodies they had left behind, but she didn’t feel a hint of regret. Once she opened her eyes to stare at the lifeless corpse of the ork that suffered a much more unfortunate fate, she smiled.   
  
Smiled at the fact that she is not dead, yet.   
  
That is what she found humorous.   
  
But, also quite sad.   
  
—   
  
The mission could had ended better, and was considered something of a screw up job by Kindly, but they still got paid.   
  
Not as much as usual, but enough for supplies.   
  
Capricious appreciated that Duncan had helped her, but they still went to Ambrose to make sure that she was properly tended to. It was fortunate that she didn’t need any major surgery, but she shouldn’t do anything that would put stress on her body, for at least a few days. Which meant she couldn’t pay a visit to Isobel, Gobbet, Racter, and Gaichu, nor go out into Heoi.   
  
Instead, she was forced to spend time in her room, which isn’t so bad. She usually uses this time to work on her computer, read, and rest.   
  
In the middle of reading a novel, Capricious heard a knock on her door. “Come in!” she shouted, to see that it was Gaichu. “Ah, hey!” she greeted him with a wide smile.   
  
“Good evening, Capricious. How are your injuries?”   
  
She groaned in pain as she tried to adjust herself in her chair. “Bad, but I’ll live. How are you?”   
  
“I’m doing just fine, thank you. I heard that you were injured, so I had to pay a visit.”   
  
Capricious chuckled. “That’s kind of you, but you really don’t have to worry. I’ll be fine!”   
  
“Perhaps so, since you had dealt with worse, but, I believed it would had been rude of me to not check on you.”   
  
Capricious raised brow. “Is there something on your mind?”   
  
Gaichu was silent as he walked around the room, taking in the scent. Aside from sweat and blood, there was paint. “No… but, I’m now curious about something… did you paint the room?”   
  
Capricious chuckled as she looked at the wall behind him. “I was bored from looking at the same wall over and over every time I woke up, so I decided to do some graffiti. It’s… bad.”   
  
“Really?” he chuckled.   
  
“It’s a good thing you can’t see, Gaichu, because you would had been blinded by it.”   
  
The two shared a laugh as he continued to walk around. He then stood by her to stare at the wall, though he couldn’t see it. “What were you trying to design?”   
  
Capricious looked over the terrible design of a skull with flower patterns surrounding it. “A reminder.”   
  
“What sort of reminder?”   
  
“That one day, I will die.”   
  
“Oh?”   
  
Capricious sighed. “‘Memento mori,’” she whispered. “It’s also inspired by an old tradition in a country. I… am not of Mexican descent, but when I studied their culture, I found it oddly beautiful.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Because death is inevitable. Sure, some of us may had escaped from Death many times, but that won’t last forever.” Capricious tapped her finger against her cheek then looked at Gaichu with a smile. “But, who knows. Maybe there is a way that we can be truly immortal.”   
  
Gaichu chuckled as he shook his head. “Are you going to find that out for yourself?”   
  
“Oh, no, I don’t think I could!” Capricious laughed. “Besides, I think I’m okay with being mortal… I mean, I don’t want to live for forever, since that would mean that, by the time the world ends, my friends would long since been dead… and the thought of that is kind of lonely.”   
  
“I see.” Gaichu placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. “I’m just glad to see you’re still alive.”   
  
“Thanks, Gaichu,” she said with a smile. “You guys… really mean a lot to me.”   
  
With a smile, he bowed his head, then left the room.   
  
Capricious stared at the graffiti. In that moment, she decided it would be best paint over it with a basic color.   
  
—   
  
Once she was okay enough to get out of the Dowager Empress, Capricious was about to leave for some fresh air and to go out shopping, until she was stopped by Racter once he called out to her. She could hear him coming up from the workshop, with Koschei close behind. “Do you mind if I accompany you around Heoi? I’m running short on cigarettes.”   
  
“I don’t mind, as long as you don’t mind helping me carrying some stuff back,” she replied as she turned the handle.   
  
Racter chuckled as he straightened out his coat, and gave her a firm nod. “Fair enough, my friend.”   
  
Able to breathe in the fresh air once again was a nice change of pace for Capricious. Though she loved the ship dearly, she couldn’t stand being stuck inside the Dowager Empress for long. It was too stuffy inside, since there was no ventilation in her room.   
  
After they stopped by a couple of stores for supplies, two boys approached Capricious with smiles on their faces. “It’s you!” they shouted with glee.   
  
Capricious was at a loss, until she took a good look at their faces. They were the hungry children that she and Duncan found before. “Oh, it’s you two,” she replied with a wide smile. “You have gotten bigger!”   
  
The siblings chuckled, before the taller sibling spoke up. “Yeah… we decided to do what you told us, and thankfully, we were taken in by a couple. Our dads were happy to have found us.”   
  
“So you found a home…” Memories of her childhood flashed through her mind. “That’s good!” she said. “I’m proud of you!”   
  
“It’s all thanks to you, Capricious,” the shorter one said. She blinked as she swore she never heard him speak before. Plus, she doesn’t recall giving them her name.   
  
“How… do you know my name?”   
  
“We just heard about you sometimes,” the shorter one replied. “You are kind of well known in restaurants for your eating habits, along with this ‘Gobbet’.”   
  
Capricious paused before bursting out into laughter. Out of everything she had done, she didn’t expect to be popular at restaurants as well. “I see…”   
  
When Racter cleared his throat to get Capricious attention, she nodded at him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” she said to the boys, “I got some things to do. Stick by your dads, okay?”   
  
“We will. Thank you again, Capricious.”   
  
Capricious waved at them as they walked away with smiles on their faces. She then let out a content sigh, before turning to Racter once again. “I need to pick up some paint, so let’s go!” she said, before taking the lead.   
  
“I believe you could be a fine mother, my friend,” he said, which made her freeze in her tracks.   
  
“What?”   
  
Racter chuckled as he shook his head. “I believe you needed some paint, no?”   
  
Capricious wanted him to explain himself, but she simply shook the thought away as they discussed about parenthood before. He should know that she doesn’t want to be a mother. She thought she had made that clear. “Yeah, I do. Beige maybe… or blue… or purple… or maybe just beige.”   
  
“Is it for your room?”   
  
“Yep. I made some ugly graffiti which I am not proud of.” Capricious looked down at Koschei as he stood between them. “I am terrible at art.”   
  
“That sort of craft requires practice, my friend.” Racter pulled out a cigarette to smoke. “Practice, practice, practice.”   
  
Capricious frowned from how he repeated himself. It’s a strange quirk of his, she thought. “I think I’d rather focus on other things instead…” She then came to a stop when she remembered Koschei tearing into that ork woman.   
  
Racter halted as well and turned to her with a raised brow. “What’s the matter?” he asked.   
  
“I…” Capricious paused as she tried to find the right words to say. “Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, something were to happen to you… is it possible for someone else to inherit Koschei?”   
  
Racter blinked before shifting his gaze to Koschei. He sucked on the cigarette for a moment as he thought about it. “Koschei is my creation - something that only I can control to his fullest potential. Without me, Koschei wouldn’t be Koschei. It just wouldn’t be possible.”   
  
“Is it because of the fact you kind of split a piece of yourself into him? I guess I can understand that.” She hummed thoughtfully. “It would be difficult to take away something so unique, from someone like you.”   
  
Racter narrowed his eyes at Capricious, while she was still fixed on Koschei. “Do you plan on stealing him away from me?” he asked, while Koschei began to scrape his limbs against the pavement.   
  
“It was a hypothetical question - I have no plans to steal Koschei away from you.” She raised up her gaze with a small smile. Racter breathed out smoke through his nostrils, while the drone stepped away from Capricious. “I promise you. Besides, as you’ve said, Koschei wouldn’t be Koschei without you… and… without you, things would be less interesting.” She stretched out her limbs, before taking in a deep breath. “Just forget I said anything. Actually, if you want, you can go back to the Dowager Empress without me. I can handle with shopping by myself from here on.”   
  
“I could… but, I think I rather stay with you, to make sure you aren’t planning anything dangerous, my friend.”   
  
Capricious chuckled briefly as they continued to walk side by side. Compared to the others, standing with Racter was both odd, yet welcoming. Duncan often gave her this sense of security, while Isobel and Gobbet often led to a lot of exciting nights filled with food and parties. One person that she had not walked with, yet, is Gaichu. She wondered if that would just wind up as nothing more than them going on a hunt for metahumans for him to eat.   
  
She didn’t entirely mind the idea, as maybe they could talk about poetry and history.   
  
Capricious thoughts were interrupted when she fell into a pile of trash, getting a hearty chuckle from Racter.   
  
She felt her cheeks flush from shame as she quickly got up. The disgusting smell of rot forced her to take off her jacket. “You could had warned me,” she scolded him.   
  
“I tried, but you were quite focused in whatever was on your mind.” He gave her a half shrug which Koschei mimicked.   
  
“Right…” She sighed as she walked around the trash, and adjusted her duffel bag over her shoulder. Out of some sort of spite, she decided to grab him by his arm. “I guess I just have to hold onto you.”   
  
With a grin, Racter took back his arm, to wrap it around her neck. “Well, if it helps you, I don’t mind.”   
  
Capricious sputtered out a bashful laugh. “Do you enjoy messing with my head?”   
  
“A little. Your reactions amuses me.”   
  
Capricious rolled her eyes as she leaned into him. Though they are both humans, she stood one foot short compared to him. Some part of her wondered if his cybernetic legs makes him taller than he should be. “Tell me, Racter, why do you always do this?” she asked as she tapped on his arm.   
  
Racter kept his eyes forward as he inhaled the cigarette smoke. “Does it bother you?”   
  
“Not at all, I’m just wondering why.”   
  
The two came to a stop in the middle of a crowd. Racter looked down at her with a smile, as he ran his hand over the back of her neck. She couldn’t help but tremble under his surprisingly gentle and abnormally warm touch.   
  
“How does that make you feel?” he asked.   
  
“Honestly? Weak.”   
  
“How so?”   
  
“Isn’t it obvious?” She tried to hide her blushing cheeks. “It’s… just been awhile. That’s all.” She then cleared her throat and straightened herself out to make eye contact with him.   
  
“Perhaps,” he said as he lowered his hand down to her exposed arms, covered in scars, “but, you hardly ever try to push me away. You flinch, but never run. As if you welcome the touch and teases and hugs.”   
  
“Well, I crave for it,” she replied. “But, it doesn’t exactly answer my question.”   
  
He inhaled the cigarette deeply, before he wrapped his arm around her neck to bring her close. “Don’t friends usually hold onto each other like so? As well as lovers?”   
  
Capricious blinked. “But… surely you don’t see me as a lover. If anything, you’re just…” she paused as something dawned on her. “You really don’t want to lose me, do you?”   
  
Racter said nothing as he inhaled the cigarette.   
  
She thought back to all the times he held onto her, up until she kissed him. Since then, she never really thought anything had changed, but something did. It always does. “You can’t be serious. You can’t be in love with me! I’d thought you were just entertaining me with the idea of it! You’re the only one I could go to for it, and you knew it!”   
  
“It’s not ‘love’, Capricious.” A puff of smoke burst out from his mouth. “At least, I wouldn’t call it that. You should know that I can’t feel for you in the same way you do for me.”   
  
Capricious pursed her lips as her brows furrowed. She decided to drop the topic then and there, but she found herself clinging onto Racter. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find the right words to say. In fact, she wasn’t sure how to feel anymore, as she had thought this was nothing truly serious.   
  
But, she decided to take it. She trusted him, just like she trusted the others, and whether it’s emotional or purely cerebral, she will take it.   
  
She then noticed they passed by several hardware stores, which made her upset with herself. She was too caught up in the conversation to had noticed it. Capricious held onto Racter as she dragged him to a nearby shop to pick up a can of paint.   
  
Once she bought one, Racter spoke up. “Are you going to stay in your room as it dries? If I recall correctly, you don’t have ventilation in your room, and inhaling paint fumes is not wise.”   
  
“There are worse things to breathe in,” she said as she pointed at his pocket where he kept his cigarettes. “Besides, I know that! I think I would just bunk in with Duncan until it dries.”   
  
“Very well.”   
  
—   
  
Once she was done painting over the graffiti, Capricious huffed out a sigh of exhaustion. After a shower, she picked up her pillow and blanket, and knocked on Duncan’s door. He stared at her belongings, waiting for an answer.   
  
“It’s just until the paint in my room dries,” she said.   
  
Duncan tilted his head then stepped aside to let her in. Once she dropped the pillow and sheet on the floor, she laid down and took in the scent of sweat and food in the air. It was not that bad, but they really need to find a way to let the air out of their rooms eventually.   
  
“You should had brought your bed, Cap,” he said.   
  
“I’m okay with the floor, Duncan.” While the floor certainly is much more uncomfortable than the bed, it was nothing like the one back in prison when she was contained. That “bed” was nothing more than concrete, but she got used to it eventually.   
  
“Sure, whatever you say.”


	4. Mon Amour, Mon Ami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past always finds a way to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION - There is some subjects here that some people may be sensitive to. From here on, it's going to get worse, with emotional baggage, manipulation, and abuse. My apologies.

In the middle of making tea, Capricious noticed Isobel appear from around the hall. “Hello, Izz,” Capricious greeted with a smile, but Isobel seemed hesitant.  
  
Nervous actually, from the way she opened her mouth, before shutting it tight in a thin line. Her eyes darted from one thing to another, before she finally laid them back on Capricious. Without a word, she waved her hand to the stairs that lead to the upper part of the ship. “I-I need to… show you something,” she said in an almost whisper.  
  
Capricious looked at her fellow decker with a raised brow, before slowly nodding. “Okay. I will be there in a moment.”  
  
Isobel nodded as she hurriedly returned to her room.  
  
Capricious wondered what got Isobel so anxious, as she turned off the stove. Once she poured the tea into a mug, she made her way up the stairs. The first thing that caught her eye, as always, was Isobel’s computer, the Octopus. With how much room it took in the upper floor, plus Racter’s workshop down below, it’s a surprise that the Dowager Empress hasn’t sunk yet.  
  
Isobel stuttered for a brief moment, then stopped and cleared her throat. She gave Capricious a hard look, before she turned to the Octopus to bring up a screen with several files on them.  
  
Capricious blinked as she recognized those files. It was her recordings. She had thought she had deleted from her computer, but somehow, Isobel got copies of them in her own computer. She blew into her tea as she glared at the back of Isobel’s chair.  
  
No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, Isobel could feel her eyes burning into the back of her head. She was about to explain herself, only for Capricious to speak up first. “You restored them?”  
  
Isobel didn’t dare to look at her in the eye. “Y-yes… well, not all of them. But, some.”  
  
Capricious brought her eyes back to the screen as she stepped forward, careful to not trip over the cables in the room. “Did you watch them?”  
  
“Only one… but, when I found out what they were, I stopped watching it immediately. I… couldn’t do that to you… but, I had to tell you.”  
  
Capricious held her mug tightly with a frown. “Can you please play some of them?”  
  
Isobel blinked and turned to Capricious with raised brows. “Are you sure?”  
  
Capricious sighed heavily as she looked back at her with a smile. A smile devoid of any sort of happiness or humor. “Yes.”  
  
Isobel pursed her lips as she sat back into her chair.  
  
Curious, Gobbet decided to step out of her room. She had felt the tension in the air, but didn’t want to get involved until now. “What are we watching?” she asked, with a half smile.  
  
“Memories of my time in prison,” Capricious replied, then took a sip of her tea.  
  
Gobbet was about to say something, only to be interrupted when the sound of Capricious voice was heard from Isobel’s speakers.  
  
—  
  
Carmen stared at her tiny drone with a weary smile. “Hello, Buddy…” She giggled. “Prison has been the same as ever. Loud, chaotic, but fun! Well, as much fun as it could possibly be, for someone as unlucky as me.”  
  
Carmen let out a sigh as she buried her head into her arms. The only thing in her room was a bed, a desk, and a toilet. Among many rules, having a drone is not allowed, but hardly anyone obeys the rules in this prison. She did try to contact her family with some friends help, but there had been no response.  
  
She groaned in pain as she tried to adjust herself in her seat. The surgical wound on her abdomen was still very fresh, so she was forced to stay in her room. In fact, they assigned her a guard with medical expertise, but she is apparently not the only one with wounds to care of in this prison.  
  
“I’m tired, Buddy… so, very tired. I don’t know what to do anymore…” She clenched onto her prison uniform tightly. Her voice was starting to crack. “I… I am losing my mind in here. I want to go back to Dad and Duncan… but…” She sobbed. “I can’t… I can’t!” Carmen completely broke down as she repeated herself over and over.  
  
—  
  
Capricious stopped the recording immediately. She then clicked on another, which was several months later.  
  
—  
  
Buddy hid itself beneath Carmen’s hair as she read a novel in English. She let out a disappointed sigh as she ran her fingers over the page. “Whoever translated this should had put more effort into it. Reading Raymond’s collection of ‘Journey to the West’ was a lot better than this.” She closed the book, then stood up to put it back on a shelf.  
  
Carmen then turned to look around the library. “At least they have books, anyway. I would be bored out of my mind if they didn’t.”  
  
“Are you sure, my dear?” spoke up a very familiar voice, which caught her by surprise.  
  
She turned to the tall elf with emerald eyes and giggled. “Holy cripes, Jason, you nearly made me shout.”  
  
The elf chuckled as he ran his fingers through her hair. “Sorry, couldn’t help it, Carmen. You just look so cute when you’re scared. Anyway, how is Buddy?” he asked, as he lifted the strands carefully to reveal the drone.  
  
“It’s working well. Having it around makes me feel… less alone.”  
  
“That’s good to hear,” he said as he cupped her face to plant a gentle kiss. “That’s all I want from you. To be happy.”  
  
“Thanks, Jason. I love you.”  
  
He chuckled briefly as he replied. “Je t’aime, Carmen.”  
  
—  
  
Capricious huffed as she stopped the recording to open another.  
  
—  
  
Buddy was broken apart, but it was still able to record.  
  
“Get out, Jason!” Carmen shouted, before kicking Jason against the wall. “And take that thing with you! I don’t want either of you in my life anymore!”  
  
“But, my swe-” Jason was cut off mid sentence by a slap.  
  
“I said, get out!” Carmen picked up the drone, and tossed it at Jason face.  
  
He simply smiled as he caught it. “You don’t mean it, Carmen! You still love me.”  
  
With gritted teeth, Carmen ran out of the shower room. She soon ran into a guard, which would be a good thing, except, the guards here don’t care about the prisoners, which is why so many things just tend slip by.  
  
They are just blind fools on a payroll, she had thought. “Excuse me,” she said to the guard.  
  
The guard simply grunted as she walked by, but ignored Jason as he followed Carmen. “Come-” “Leave me alone, you creep! Leave! Me! Alone!”  
  
—  
  
The recording ended there.  
  
There were was one file left.  
  
In one breath, she chugged down the rest of the tea, then clicked on it.  
  
—  
  
Jason was singing a song in a foreign language while the drone came to life. He let out a satisfied sigh as he picked it up in his hands. They were covered in glowing tattoos, all the way up to his arms, hidden away under his uniform. “Once again, you live, Buddy. Carmen would be happy to see you again, I just know it!” He chuckled as he gently placed it back down. “You know, I heard news that she had left to some other country, but there hasn’t been much news of her since then. If I had to take a guess, I would say she has gone underground…”  
  
Jason tapped his finger against his chin as he pondered. A smile crept on his lips as he turned his eyes upward to the ceiling. “I miss her… but, soon, I will find her. No matter where she goes, I will be there…” He let out an excited laugh. “There is a reason why she was sent to prison in the first place. There is something burning deep within her. The thrill and excitement of being a rebel. Even if she is all brains, she knows it. We all know it. After all, she did got into a fight with that doctor…” He paused. “I wonder how it was for her, to be sealed away for so long in containment. Did it drive her mad? Or did she welcome the isolation?”  
  
He then waved his hand in the air, leaving behind a trail of violet mist. “Doesn’t matter. She is free now. And, I will join her!”  
  
—  
  
Capricious stepped away from the Octopus, and stared at the girls with no expression on her face.  
  
Surely, they must be confused and curious, as neither of them understood English, but Capricious didn’t want to explain what they had just seen.  
  
“Send me copies,” Capricious told Isobel, before leaving the room. “And… thanks.”  
  
Isobel looked to Gobbet. “It’s… weird wasn’t it?” she said.  
  
“Oh, yeah, it was really weird.” Gobbet huffed as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Capricious looked so different back then… like, her hair color. I’d never thought her hair was natural when I first saw it, but seeing it like that was… weird.”  
  
Isobel hummed. “But, what about this man? ‘Jason’ I think he was. She says she killed him, but, does she regret it? I mean, there seems to be some sort of… tension between them, but…”  
  
Gobbet shook her head. “That doesn’t matter now, Izz. Just send her the copies, and delete the files off your computer. I think Capricious needs a moment to take it all in.”  
  
“Yeah… We should take her out again at some point.”  
  
“Oh, yeah we should. An all you can eat buffet!” Gobbet laughed as she thrust one hand into the air. “I am so going to get her nuyen.”  
  
Isobel huffed out a sigh, before she chuckled. “You guys and your bets…”  
  
—  
  
As Kindly Cheng so kindly asked her by message, Capricious entered the Mahjong Parlor, and stared at the unexpected guest that stood next to her Fixer.  
  
With a smile, Jason fixed his emerald eyes on Capricious, and waved at her. His left arm was replaced by a cybernetic limb for some reason. Surely, he must know that being chromed would prevent him from using his magic, she had thought, before remembering that she had stabbed a knife into his chest not too long ago.  
  
“What the hell?!” she yelled, catching everyone’s attention.  
  
Kindly cleared her throat loudly, as she waved her hand in the air. “Now, now, settle down, Capricious. There is no need to get loud in here…”  
  
Strangler Bao cracked his neck as he thumbed the pistol in his belt.  
  
Capricious forced a smile as she nodded her head in agreement. “My apologies… I thought I had saw a familiar face.”  
  
“What do you mean, Capricious?” Kindly Cheng asked as she narrowed her eyes. “‘Phobos’ here claims he knows who you are, and requests me to see you personally, to ask for a favor.”  
  
Capricious blinked. “Phobos?” she asked as she turned to Jason.  
  
He simply nodded his head. “Long time, no see, ‘Capricious’. Kindly says it’s better if we call each other by our alias instead of first names, so I’d chose ‘Phobos’. Pretty good name, no?”  
  
Capricious glared at him. “Right… so… what do you need, ‘Phobos’?”  
  
“He wants to help you in your jobs,” Kindly answered. “Apparently, Phobos has connections to a variety of people, which could help you and your crew out. Aside from money, he mostly just wants your company.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Capricious wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.  
  
“I wanted to see you again, Capricious,” Jason said, as he extended his hand out to her shoulder. She stepped back in fear before he could even touch her. He still kept a smile on his face as he retreats his hand. “Sorry… it’s just been a long time.”  
  
“S-sure… right…” Capricious turned to Kindly Cheng with a frown. “I can’t say no to this, can I?”  
  
Kindly Cheng smiled at her as she took in a deep breath of her cigar. The glint in her eyes made it clear that there was no room for negotiation here.  
  
“Okay then… but, there is barely any room in the Dowager Empress,” she told Jason. “But, I will give you my room, while I stay with someone else instead.”  
  
“Oh, don’t worry,” he replied. “I already have a place of my own. A small apartment.”  
  
Some part of her felt relieved. “That’s good to hear… by the way… um… what happened to your arm?”  
  
Jason gave her a gentle laugh. “Someone cut it off while I was out. You see, I was attacked some time ago, but the attacker didn’t know about my organs.”  
  
“Your… organs?”  
  
“Yeah! You know, that my organs are reversed?” Jason paused as he shut his eyes tight to remember something. “What was it… it had a medical term…”  
  
While he struggled, Capricious knew what he meant almost immediately. “‘Situs inversus…” she said out loud.  
  
Jason snapped his fingers in response. “That’s the term. Wild isn’t it?”  
  
Kindly Cheng once again cleared her throat, getting their attention. “Reunions are nice and all, but there is a time and place for it… and now is not the time, and neither is this parlor the place. Go catch up somewhere else.”  
  
Capricious gave her an apologetic smile and a nod before leaving the parlor, with Jason close behind. Once they walked far enough, Capricious turned on her heel to kick Jason’s legs, only to be caught.  
  
With her leg still in his grasp, he snickered. “Did you really forget about my condition?” he asked.  
  
“I’d had hoped to forget everything about you that night, Jason. Apparently, that doesn’t seem to be the case here. You should had still been dead, however, with the neck injury, and the knife in your lung.”  
  
Jason released her to shrug. “I can tend to my own wounds, my dear. I have learned a few tricks when you were gone.”  
  
“Clearly. But, you know there is a risk when you replace your limbs with cybernetics.”  
  
“I’m aware of the essence limit, but, trust me, Carmen, I am a flexible man… in more ways than one.”  
  
She scoffed as she remember their tryst. “First of all, don’t call me Carmen or ‘my dear,’ okay? Call me Capricious. Second, I don’t like remembering our time together in prison, so forget about what had happened. Now then, go rot in a hole or something, I don’t want to deal with you anymore.”  
  
“But I am here to help, ‘Capricious’!”  
  
“If you want to help, then fine, I can’t argue against my Fixer anyway! But, keep your distance away from me, unless you really need something! And don’t bother sending me anymore drones! If I find one, they are going to be in the ocean first thing, okay?!”  
  
Jason chuckled as he raised his hands up in the air. “Fine, fine, I will obey your orders. You’re the boss, after all! But, I will be there in whatever job you take.”  
  
Capricious let out a harsh snort, before making her way to the Dowager Empress. “Fine. Just… leave me alone for tonight, okay?”  
  
“Okay, then, mon amour.”  
  
Capricious came to a halt, as memories of her time in prison flashed through her mind. As her heart raced, so did she, back to the ship. A place she considers a home, but not a safe one to be in, anymore.


	5. Prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Capricious is scared, yet bold, and has to do some things to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Mentions and implications of sex. From here on, there are going to be questionable and problematic subjects, plots, and such, so if you're sensitive to it, and don't wish to continue, you can stop reading from here. I fully understand, and only wish the best to those that had came across this story. I didn't think it would turn out this way, but I feel it's best to write this out and finish it for myself, as leaving it unfinished would only bother me.
> 
> Also, there are totally better stories out there. hehe
> 
> Take it easy folks!

“So, he is actually alive,” Duncan spoke up, with his hands pressed together before his face.

“Yep,” Capricious replied. “I’m not all too happy about it, but Jason will be working with us from now on.” She turned to the others as they stood before her in the kitchen. “And even if we try to kill him, I believe Kindly will make us suffer the same fate as him.”

Gaichu let out a huff. “I had a feeling he wasn’t dead… but, his act was impressive.”

“And I personally sought to throw his ‘corpse’ in the water,” Racter spoke up with a wry grin. “How ironic.”

Capricious shrugged. “Well, that’s all I can say. We have to deal with him, while we do our jobs. Pretend as if he is our friend, even though I, in particular, loathe him. Now then, with that said, you guys can go back to doing what you were doing. Sorry for interrupting you guys.”

“It’s fine by me, Cap,” Isobel spoke up before she turned away with Gobbet. “Just let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Izz. I appreciate it.”

Once everyone else had returned to their rooms, Racter approached Capricious with a smile. “Should I be worried?” he whispered to her, as he gently ran his fingers through her hair. “Knowing that you still have feelings for him?”

Capricious scowled as she made eye contact with him. She wanted to yell at him, to disagree with him, but instead, she had to accept that fact that, deep down, she still has some sort of feeling towards Jason. A twisted sense of love. “Can you do me favor, Racter?” she whispered.

“That depends, my friend.”

“If… if I give in to Jason, please, don’t hesitate to hurt me. I don’t want you to kill me, yet, but hurt me. I need you, and the others, to be on my side, even if I’m not on yours.”

Racter gave her a low chuckle as he brushed his hand over her cheeks. “I won’t hesitate, you know.”

“Which is why I am telling you to do it. You won’t hold back, even if it’s me…” She wrapped her hand around his as she slowly melted into his warmth. “I trust you, as much as I trust everyone else on this ship.” Capricious paused and pursed her lips. “Do… Do you mind… if I spend the night with you?”

Racter’s lips parted in a wide grin, revealing his strong, sharp teeth to Capricious. “I certainly don’t, my friend. But, wouldn’t your brother be upset?”

“Oh, he totally would, but, I… I want to give myself to you, before I find myself with Jason again. I just… I don’t trust myself.”

Racter hummed as he retreated his hand from her, and turned to the hatch that lead down to his workshop. “If that is truly what you want, then you know where to find me, my friend. But, we will need to have a discussion before we do anything. Until then, think it over. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you decided to change your mind.”

“But-” Racter quickly raised up his index finger to her lips to cut her off.

“I will help you with Jason, but you’re not in the right state of mind to ask me to indulge you, my friend. Besides, it’s early, and I have some work to do.”

“Of course…” Capricious sighed heavily, before shaking her head, and forcing a smile. “Good luck, Racter. I will see you later.”

Racter simply nodded his head, before he climbed down the steps to his workshop. Capricious stared at the hatch for a moment, before she walked up to Duncan’s door to knock. Once he opened it, the stench of sweat in his room made her gag, but she forced herself to tough it out. “I need to talk to you, bro… but not in there.”

Duncan stepped out with the door shut behind him. He crossed his arms as he leaned into the door. “Don’t think I did not see you with that Russian, Cap. What are you planning?”

Capricious forced a laugh as she felt blood run to her cheeks. “I would say it’s none of your business, bro, but right now, with things as the way they are, with my ex and all, I am going to be blunt. I am planning to spend a night with him.”

Duncan shook his head with a huff. “What a surprise,” he mocked. “You certainly have strange taste in people, Cap. But, I have to take guess it’s out of spite, isn’t it?”

Capricious paused as that thought did not occur to her earlier. “I… I guess so. I guess that is why Racter didn’t say ‘yes’ out right.”

“Listen, Cap, I don’t care what you do anymore, when it comes to your love life, but I need to ask you something. Will you be okay with Jason around?”

Capricious stared directly in her brother’s eyes with a stern expression. Her lips thinned as she straightened herself out. “No, I won’t be. Even though I already spoken to Racter about this, I need to talk to you about this, Duncan. I need you to be the team leader, when I can’t.”

Duncan narrowed his eyes at her. “What do you mean when you can’t?”

“I don’t trust myself, Duncan. I hate Jason, I really do, but, I feel as if… Jason is going to do something. Ruin me, to say the least. Which is why I need to make sure that everything will be all right, with or without me. I don’t feel safe with him here in Heoi, as much I didn’t feel safe back in prison. But unlike prison, I have you and the others to watch my back. To knock sense into me! I already asked Racter that, but, I am asking you to be the leader, when I am not myself.”

With how hard she was breathing, and how fast she spoke, Duncan knew she was having a panic attack. He took in a deep breath, before he hugged his sister tightly. “I promise, Carmen. I will be there for you. We all will. You got our backs up to this point, so we will do the same for you. We will figure out a way to get rid of Jason, okay?”

Capricious couldn’t say anything as she held onto her brother. Instead, she began to cry into his arms as her heart raced in her chest. She started to believe someone is playing a cruel joke with her at this point, but, she doesn’t want to give in so easily. She had dealt with a lot up to this point, and so, dealing with Jason should be no trouble.

But she still couldn’t help but be afraid.

—

Later in the day, Capricious dropped down into the workshop, and saw Gaichu and Racter talking to each other.

“Oh, sorry, I will be back,” she said, as she grabbed onto the railing.

“No, it’s all right, Capricious,” Gaichu spoke up as he placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Racter told me what you had planned to do, so I will take my leave and hunt for food. I understand your worries and apprehension, so I will do what I can to help you. Just give me your orders when it’s time.”

Capricious blinked, before smiling at the ghoul. “Thanks, Gaichu. That means a lot. For now, I will also do what I can, but, if something were to happen, I want Duncan to take over in my place.”

Racter frowned at her words, while Gaichu wasn’t surprised. He instead bowed his head. “Very well. I trust your judgement, but again, don’t be afraid to ask me to help you.”

“I will, Gaichu.” Capricious then moved aside to let Gaichu leave the workshop. Once he closed the hatch behind him, Capricious let out a heavy sigh, and turned to Racter with her fingers intertwined, and a smile on her lips. “Are you busy?”

Racter shook his head as he leaned back into his chair. “Not for the time being, my friend, even though there is always work to be done… but, first, I must tell you, I don’t approve of having your brother as my boss.”

Capricious forced out a chuckle as she stepped closer to him. “Hopefully, it would only be temporary, Racter. I just need to cover some bases, you know?”

“While that’s fair and all, I still don’t approve of the idea.” He then shrugged. “But, it doesn’t mean I won’t stop doing what I need to do. Anyway, you’re not here to talk about your plans.”

Capricious nodded her head as she watched Koschei climb out from under Racter’s desk. “I gave it some thought… and I still want to spend the night with you. It’s most likely out of spite, but I feel that, if I don’t take the chance, I will regret it. To me, sex is just a shallow act to indulge ourselves in, such as gluttony, but, I want to do it, while I still feel like myself. And… I trust you.”

Racter listened to her every word, noticing there was a sense of fear, but determination in her tone. She truly wants this, he thought, which made him smile. Without a word, he beckoned her to come close to him, and as her cheeks turned red, she did so without a second thought. She wrapped her arms around his neck to plant a gentle kiss on his lips, then felt his teeth clench on her bottom lip.

The pain sent shivers down her spine and made her laugh. Finally, she thought, before she gave herself to him for the night.


	6. Dance Macabre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna be / Wanna bewitch you in the moonlight / Just wanna be / I wanna bewitch you all night - Dance Macabre by Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously wanted to use that song as a chapter title for so long, but now that I have done it, I can finally say, I have accomplished my goals! But the story is still on going, of course.

Their next mission was to allure and kidnap a rich man for a petty person. Just another job, but, the selected companions that Capricious picked had to wear suits and dresses, to blend in with the crowd. It was also required to hide any scars, which Capricious was more than unhappy about, considering that her body was covered in it.

Much to her chagrin, Jason was able to give her what she needed. A long dress, with a long sleeve undershirt, and tights. He also could do her make up for her, but Capricious did not want him to be the one to do it.

Instead, Isobel helped her. Capricious remembered back at Deck-Con that she did hide her facial tattoos using makeup, so she went to her for the make over. Isobel also helped untangle her hair, making it straighter, and with Gobbet's help, they held it up in a loose bun. The girls smiled once they saw their finished creation, and gave Capricious a cracked mirror to see herself.

She gasped from not recognizing herself at first, then burst out into laughter. "Thanks, Gobbet and Isobel. You really did a great job!"

"Hey, it's our pleasure, Seattle," Gobbet said.

"I understand it may make you feel uncomfortable," Isobel spoke up, "but, I know you can handle it."

Capricious let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, I'm not used to it... but, it's just going to be for tonight anyway. So, Isobel, you're coming, to help me hack into their security, along with both Duncan and Racter. I don't think they will be happy with Gobbet's rats..." she said as she eyed both Madness and Folly, as they climbed all over the shaman's body and clothes.

Gobbet chuckled as she nuzzled Madness' head. "If only this party wasn't so strict with sanitation, I would totally be there, eating everything they have on display." She then shrugged as she gently picked up Folly from her pocket, and let the rat run over her hands.

Capricious gave a brief laugh as she reached out to Folly with her cybernetic hand. "I will eat as much as I can in your place, Gobbet." She then retreat her hand before Folly could bite the tip of her metallic finger. "Anyway, it's no big deal. Just a kidnapping mission, like the ones we did before. It should be no trouble for us."

Gobbet nodded her head with a confident smile. "I'm sure you guys will come back alive. Not okay, but at least alive."

"Yeah..." Capricious slowly turned her gaze back to the mirror.

A reflection of what could had been, if things were different for her.

Her lips curled in a smile as she noticed both Gobbet and Isobel by her side.

That life would had been a boring one, she thought, then gave the mirror back to Gobbet.

"Time to go..." Capricious said.

\---

When they arrived to the entrance of the tall building, Capricious chewed on her lip as she laid eyes on Jason. He stood there, holding a few key cards for them in his hand. Duncan could swear he felt his sister's rage burning on his skin, from the way her body tensed up and how her face twisted into a look of disgust.

"Cap," he said as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Take a deep breath."

Capricious looked at him from the corner of her eye, before shutting them and taking in a deep breath. The scowl turned into a gentle smile, as they approached the elf.

"'Phobos'," Capricious greeted.

"'Capricious'!" Jason laughed as he stepped forward with his arms out to hug her, but was quickly blocked by Koschei. He noticed a gleam in Racter's eye, while exchanging smiles. "And friends..." he continued, without breaking eye contact. "I have something for all you. Fake IDs for all of us. It's only meant for guests, but knowing you, Cap, you can find a way around it."

"I'm not the only one who can find a way, Phobos," Capricious said as she inclined her head to Isobel. "She is a reliable decker as well."

"Good." Jason finally tore his eyes away from Racter, then looked over to Duncan and Isobel. He noticed they both didn't seem all too happy with him, but he didn't care at all about what they had thought of him. The only person he truly cared was Capricious herself, as she stood before him, all well dressed, and prettied up for the job.

Everyone else was properly dressed up as well, but they were nothing to him. He extended his hand out to Capricious, but she only pushed it back with her gloved cybernetic hand.

"I am not comfortable with the idea, Phobos. I will only stand next to you."

"Ah, but Capricious, I need your company for the job. I am sure the others can take care of themselves, no?"

Capricious exchanged looks with them, only to get nods in response, as well as a look that says, "We got your back, Cap," in their eyes.

She sucked in air, before she extended her left hand to Jason, while Koschei stepped aside.

As she was pulled inside by Jason, Capricious swore she felt fingers brush against the back of her neck, making her look back to her crew.

While Isobel and Duncan followed them with a looks of disapproval, she noticed Racter grinning at her as he moved his hand over Koschei's chassis.

Capricious felt her face grow hot as she turned away.

Jason noticed that her hands were trembling, but it was not because of him. When he looked over their shoulders, he laid his eyes on Racter as he slipped in with the crowd. His eyes narrowed as he let go of Capricious' hand to gently wrap her around his arms.

The way he held her made her sick in her stomach, but with gritted teeth, she told him, "Keep your attention on the job. We're to search for a man named Guan Ling."

"I know, my dear," he said. "But, come on, let loose, and enjoy yourself for tonight. I doubt you ever got a chance to dance before, Capricious."

Before she could even say anything, Capricious was pulled into a spot, where they were surrounded by other couples. She felt Jason plant a hand on her waist, and intertwine their fingers together to hold her close to his body. She tried to trip him up, but Jason was quick to notice, and spun together in a twirl.

She glared at him as he dipped her, but as much as she wanted to fight back, she had to be professional, and keep up with his act. The two moved as one with ease, despite their height difference, with smiles plastered on their faces.

Capricious certainly did not expect Jason to lead her as smoothly as he does into a waltz. When they made eye contact, Capricious had forgotten how beautiful his emerald green eyes were. As they came to a stop, she noticed she had become hypnotized by him, and forced herself away from him while brushing herself off with flushed cheeks.

She cursed at herself in her head, and held her arm as she turned away from him. "I'm heading to a restroom, don't follow me," she said in haste.

Jason chuckled, before he was quickly swarmed by people with compliments.

 

Duncan looked to Isobel to signal her to follow Capricious, which she did without question.

Capricious noticed Isobel quickly catching up with her, before they slipped into the bathroom together. Once she saw her reflection on the bathroom mirror, Capricious snarled as she took off her gloves.

Isobel wanted to say something to comfort her, but Capricious put her hand up to stop her.

Instead, they stood in the bathroom in silence, while Capricious clicked her metallic fingers against the marble counter. When she raised it up before her eyes, she remembered the night she had spent with Racter and Koschei.

She then looked back at her reflection with a wry smile. She wanted to shred her dress apart, to reveal the scars that she had earned, wash away all the makeup on her face, to reveal her natural self, and undo her hair to make it a mess, to tell Jason that she can't be who he wants her to be. He only took advantage of this job to make her into his image, but, in the end, this is still a job.

She has to comply if she wants to stay on Kindly Cheng's good side.

Once she took in a sip of water from the faucet, Capricious gulped it down with a smile, and turned to Isobel.

Without a word, they left the bathroom.

 

With a cigarette between his lips, Racter eyed the other smokers around him out on the patio. Being here was bore and a waste of time, but a job is a job, though, it seems that Capricious certainly was enjoying herself when she danced with Jason. He couldn't deny that he felt annoyed as he watched them holding onto each other, until he forced himself to get away from it all to breathe.

"So, tell me," he heard Jason speak as he approached him from behind, "were you satisfied by Miss Santos?"

Racter blinked. He completely forgot that Capricious' last name was Santos. With a cold smile, he stared at Jason. "It isn't any of your business, isn't it, Mr. Phobos?"

Jason chuckled as he shrugged. "When we had danced, I had sensed that she had done something... or rather, someone, by how she moved her legs. And by process of elimination, you're the one she had done it with."

Koschei began to whirr and click his limbs against the pavement, while Racter glared at the elf. "Capricious is certainly right to loathe you, Mr. Phobos... even I am beginning to dislike you myself, with how invasive you are. It should be none of your business to know what she does and does not do."

Jason shook his head before he glared at Koschei. He could feel the drone's sensors burn into his body, and was ready to strike at any moment, but, Racter is holding it back, reluctantly. "You certainly seem to care about her, but something tells me that you properly can't. If she was to die, would you mourn for her?"

Racter raised a brow. "Of course. Losing someone as valuable as Capricious would be a terrible loss, as she has such an interesting mind, and a kind heart."

Jason let out a snort as he looked up at Racter. "'Valuable' is a term I would associate with material things, such as your drone. Do you see Capricious as nothing more than an object to fulfill you?"

Koschei's engines whirred loudly. "Certainly not," Racter answered with a brief growl. "Capricious is not a toy, nor is she any sort of tool for me to use. She is a reliable ally, and a trustworthy friend."

"But, what if, something happens, and she just... ups and leaves you and the others, to stay with me?"

The thought of it nearly set Racter off, until he heard Capricious shout out, "Hey, I was looking for you, my friend!" Capricious quickly wrapped her arms around Racter with a wide smile.  "Come with me to get some food!"

As he was pulled away by Capricious, Jason stared at them with a thin smile.

 

While she stuffed herself with food, Racter was lost in thought. He nearly released Koschei to kill Jason, who clearly was playing with his head. He couldn't believe that he fell for such an obvious trap, and started to curse at himself in Russian.

Once she gulped down a glass of water, she turned to Racter. "You see what I mean about him?"

Racter let out a huff as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Did he study psychology?"

"No, I don't believe he did. He just knows how to press the right buttons, to get what he wants. He knows my weaknesses already, but I have no doubt he has learned about you guys during his time searching for me. After all, I am his goal."

Racter hummed, then looked down at Capricious' gloved hands. "I never knew you could dance, my friend."

Capricious giggled out of embarrassment, before shaking her head. "I... can't. It was Jason that took the lead, and I just simply followed him as best as I could."

"That almost sounds as if he was controlling you..."

Capricious paused as she thought about it. "Is... is that possible? Can someone use magic to control another person?"

"May I have please your hand, my friend?" Racter asked as he rose up his own. She rose up her gloved cybernetic hand, and felt his fingers press through the fabric to feel the metal. She wonders if this is how he feels whenever something brushes past his legs.

He then took his other hand to make eye contact with her.

"Wh-what are you doing, Racter?" she stuttered. "You know Duncan is watching."

"I'm fully aware of it, but trust me, I won't do anything, unless, you want me to." He gave her a playful smile and a wink, before he continued. "Anyway, when he took your hand, did you feel some sort of sensation? As if there was a tingle through your body?"

Capricious thought about it for a solid minute. "No... I didn't feel anything out of ordinary except... when I looked into his eyes..." Capricious slowly raised her left hand up his face to stare into Racter's eyes that were as white as snow. A cold gaze that fits well for a man that could not feel empathy or sympathy, or any other sort of emotional. Not even love.

A small smile crept on her face, as she found herself in better company with such a man, instead of Jason.

"Jason's eyes hypnotized me. Reminded me how beautiful they are."

She paused as she pulled her hands away while she still held eye contact. "But... they are hiding ill intentions. I don't know what he is planning, but, if he can still keep me bound under his spell, I'm afraid of what could happen." Capricious then shrugged before she saw Duncan approaching them.

Racter noticed him as well, then cleared his throat. "Then, I believe it's better to not make eye contact with him, if you can help it. Other than that, I believe that he is trying to be forward with you, by touching you, holding you, and such, because, if my theory is correct, he knows that you love physical contact... though, he is being _too_ forward with you rather quickly."

Capricious stared at Racter as the thought of it started to make her uncomfortable. To be touched, held, and grasped by Jason. She quivered as she felt as if her clothing was starting to tighten itself around her body, since it was given to her by him.

"Don't you worry, my friend," Racter spoke as he gently planted his hands on her shoulders. His warmth calmed her down a bit, but she still couldn't shake off her anxiety completely. "There will come a day when you won't be scared of him anymore."

Capricious raised a brow from Racter's comment, then turned to Duncan as he stood before them with a look of disapproval.

"While you two were busy chatting, Isobel and I found Guan Ling. Let's get this job over with."

Capricious gave her brother a thumbs up with a wide smile. With forced enthusiasm, she said, "Good job, bro! Let's do it! I don't want to wear this dress anymore anyway!"

\---

The mission was a success, despite the chaos afterwards, but once she was freed from her suffocating clothes, Capricious did not care anymore. Sure, she tore the dress apart, to the point she was barely naked, but she did not give a damn, despite how uncomfortable Duncan was to see her fight with very little clothing.

Racter had expected it to happen, while Isobel was happy for her as she understood how she must had felt wearing a disguise.

As soon as they parted ways with Jason, she turned in the mission, and got nuyen out of it to share with her crew.

Once she went to her room, she didn't expect Racter and Koschei to be there. While he sat comfortably in her chair, Koschei explored, before hiding in the space under Capricious' bed.

"Aren't you tired, Racter?" she asked, while she picked up her clothes from the locker, and put them on.

"Oh, yes, I'm certainly exhausted," he replied as he turned to her with a smile. "But, I found myself restless. You see, I can't get the thought of you dancing with that man out of my head, no matter how hard I tried to leave it all behind me."

Capricious chuckled as she clasped her hands on Racter's shoulder. "If you want, we can dance together. I can't promise that I won't step on your feet, but I believe you can handle it, with your cybernetics and all."

Racter chuckled as he got up from her chair. "Then entertain me, my friend. I want to see what you are truly capable of myself."

"Fine, but I will have to pick the music!" she said, as she tapped away on her keyboard. The music she chose was something he did not expect from Capricious, but then again, this is Capricious. "I didn't like dancing with Jason, anyway." She extended her hands out for him to take. "And I don't like slow dancing either."

He gave a brief chuckle, as he tried to follow her energetic moves, but he could not catch up. However, despite the small space, they both danced to the song, until they both collapsed onto her bed, with her head resting on his chest.

"Thanks, Racter. Really..." she said, as she closed her eyes. "You're a great friend..."

Friend, he repeated in his head, as he held her in his arms.

 

_"I don't care if you're a psychopath, Racter," she told him with a shy but warm smile, in the dimly lit workshop. "I consider you a friend."_

 

"Thank you, Capricious..." he whispered. "The feeling is quite mutual, I assure you..."


	7. To Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen while Capricious is not around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Manipulation and self inflicted violence.

Once she finished putting on her clothes, Capricious headed out to leave the Dowager Empress, to go on a "date" with Jason. It was out of obligation, under Kindly Cheng's order, to do so, no matter how much Capricious hated it. As long as Jason could provide her with extra nuyen, good business, and talents, while keeping everything to himself, she did not care what they do. All they have to do is obey her.

 

As soon as he heard the door shut from his workshop, Racter attached a couple of tools into his belt, before he ascended the stairs, with Gaichu right behind him.

Gobbet had just arrived to the kitchen and gave the men a nod, then said, "So, while they are both busy, we just do what we got to do, right?"

"That's right," Duncan answered as soon as he stepped out of his room. "You and Gaichu go find his apartment, while Isobel and Racter see if he implanted any sort of device here in this ship. If had sent a drone to spy on Cap, there could be a chance he may have bugged this ship to watch us. Call it paranoia, but I think even Cap feels like she is being watched in here."

"Right, then, Gun Show." Gobbet gave Duncan finger pistols with a wink and a click of her tongue. "We can handle it. Isobel gave me some sort of device to plant in his apartment, just to disable any sort of security he may had set up there." She then turned to Gaichu with a grin. "Let's go, Gaichu."

Gaichu simply nodded as he followed her out of the ship.

Racter tapped away at his bracer to bring up a screen, and scanned the kitchen. Duncan watched him quietly, as he thoroughly searched the area, and found mini drones hiding away in tight corners, and the ceiling itself.

A wry smile spread across his face, as he brought up Koschei to crush these drones one after the other. Once the kitchen was cleared, Racter turned with Duncan. "I may have to search through your sister's room as well, you know."

Duncan frowned at the thought, then shook his head slowly with a long sigh. "Hey, as long as that creep isn't watching her, I don't care. Just don't break anything while you're in there."

Racter chuckled. "It would be uncouth of me to do so. Besides, her room isn't the only thing I have to search."

 

Gobbet snickered as she and Gaichu stood at the entrance of Jason's apartment. She was thankful to Rat for guiding her here, as well as Gaichu's senses to watch her back. Of course, the door was locked, so she sent both Madness and Folly through the cracks to find a spare key hidden away somewhere. When they returned with it, Gobbet picked them both up, and nuzzled them against her cheeks with pride.

She then let them climb up her arms, to let her take the key and open the door.

Gaichu frowned as he noticed how easy this all seemed. "Don't forget to plant the device, Gobbet."

Gobbet came to a stop as she did forget to do that. Before she stepped inside, she searched for a power box, and once she dug the device out of her pocket, she planted it. She recalled what Isobel told her to do to make it work, and once it was turned on, the power box was disabled.

She gave Gaichu a nod, then eagerly slipped into the door.

The apartment itself was just one large room, with another door that lead to the bathroom. Gobbet hummed lowly as she felt magic in the air. A strange sensation that ran through her body, down into her core, which unsettled her. She took her PDA out to take shots of the apartment.

The place didn't have furniture, just a mattress on the floor, and some books written in a foreign language scattered all around. Gaichu hesitated to touch them as he could feel strange energy coming from them.

"This man knows his magic," Gobbet said as she eyed one of the books. "But, I can't understand them. I think they are written in English."

"Most likely," Gaichu replied, then sniffed the air. He noticed something else lingered in the room. As he followed the scent, the stronger it became, and how familiar it was. Metal, oil, electricity, and fire isolated in one corner of the room.

Much like Racter's workshop, he thought.

"It seems that he also knows technology. Drones?"

Gobbet followed him and noticed there were bits and pieces of metal and wires spread across a table. Some of the tools she saw were similar to what Isobel owned. "I think so... weird."

Gaichu growled as he tapped his chin in thought. "It's not uncommon for people to practice into more than one thing," he said.

"That's impressive, but I don't think he can master them both at the same time." Gobbet scoffed. "I think he is doing this to impress Seattle."

"Perhaps... but there could also be other reasons. Maybe it's how he was able to find her. He does have connections after all, and must had done jobs similar to what we do, before he found Kindly Cheng."

Gobbet let out a sound of disgust as she took more pictures. "What a creep."

\---

Jason took Capricious to a diner for their date, but she had a hard time eating the food she had ordered, even though it was her favorite.

Still, she forced herself to eat it, and pretend she enjoyed it, though she couldn't taste the flavor on her tongue. It didn't even sit well in her stomach, but in a single breath, she gulped down a cup of soykaf to keep it all down, despite how awful it was.

Jason laughed as he ran his fingers over her hand gently. Capricious flinched, but tried to relax as he raised her hand up to his smiling lips. He took in her scent, and let out a sigh. "Oh, I've missed you so much, Carmen."

Capricious frowned. "Capricious, Phobos," she corrected. "It's Capricious."

"Ah, right, right, forgive me. I forget sometimes..."

"Of course you do..." She tried to take back her hand, but he held it tightly in his grip.

"Come on, Capricious, come spend a night with me in my apartment. It's been such a long time, you know."

"I'm good, thanks." She forced a smile. "Besides, I would rather stay far, far away from you, and find someone that I rather be with instead."

Capricious noticed that Jason's face twisted into a ugly scowl briefly, before he relaxed into a smile once again. It was an expression she rarely ever saw, that made her fearful.

"Come on," he cooed. "Remember our time together?" He then drew himself close to whisper to her. "That time in the showers?"

The memory of it disgusted her. "I haven't, but I told you, I don't want to remember."

"Instead, you wish to remember something else? With someone else?"

Capricious blinked. "Wh-" "The handsome man with the silver hair, that controls that drone?"

"Racter and Koschei?"

"Yes, those two. It's so easy to tell that you have feelings for him, and I had noticed that you had given yourself to him, with the way you had danced the other day. Your legs were quite stiff, as if they ached."

Capricious growled as she pulled herself away from him. "It's none of your business, Phobos... I think I am going to end our date here," she said as she got up from her chair, and walked towards the door.

"But, even though you have feelings for him, he can't return those feelings, can he?" Jason spoke up, making her stop in her tracks. He noticed that there were others watching them, so he quickly got up to take Capricious out of the diner, to breathe in the fresh air, and escape from wandering eyes. He then took her hand, and lifted her head by her chin to make eye contact with her.

As much as she wanted to look away, Capricious found herself weak by his emerald eyes.

"That man can't give you everything that you want, but I can, my dear. I promise you. I love you, Carmen."

Jason pulled her close to his face to plant a kiss, but Capricious quickly dragged her clawed hand across her stomach to break his spell through pain. She then pushed him away, and ran towards the Dowager Empress.

\---

As soon as she barged through the door, Capricious retreated to her room to take off her blood soaked shirt, and pull out a med kit to tend to her wounds.

Duncan came in a hurry, and once he noticed her injuries, his hands balled up into a fist, and growled. "That man-" "No, stop, Duncan!" Capricious yelled out, before she groaned in pain. "I did this to myself."

"What?!" Duncan snapped. "You hurt yourself?"

"Yes, because he tried to kiss me. I don't know how he does it, but he nearly succeeded..." Capricious felt her body shake as her voice broke. "I don't like him, Duncan... he scares me..."

Duncan took in a deep breath, then took her chair to sit down. "I know, sis... I know. But, we will find a way to get rid of him somehow, soon."

"I hope so, bro... I hope so..."


	8. To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason has his reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no self control with my writings. *shrug*

Once she had learned that Jason had planted drones all over the Dowager Empress, Capricious could never sleep, knowing that he had watched her sleep, shower, and change, in her own room. She moved to the girl's room instead, keeping a small empty corner that was out of their way.

She didn't having her there, but they were worried on her current state of mind, especially with the self inflicted wound on her stomach. It wasn't deep, but they were afraid it might get worse they didn't take care of it properly.

"Hey, Seattle, do you mind if I...?" she asked as she waved her hands in the air, then pointed at Capricious' belly as she laid on the mattress.

She shook her head before she laid back to let her heal the injury. She was able to clean it up herself, but the wound was too wide for time to heal.

\---

Gaichu walked down the alleys of Heoi, until he stopped and grinned as soon as he caught wind of Jason as he approached him from around a corner. "I don't take kindly to intruders, you know... breaking and entering is illegal."

"But, we're criminals," Gaichu replied. "It's only natural for us to break and enter into a person's home."

Jason started to walk around the ghoul with a wry smile. "I suppose it's fair, knowing that your friends were able to track and destroy every drone I had implanted in that ship. A sort of eye for an eye deal."

Gaichu snarled as he spread his clawed fingers, while he wrapped his hand around the hilt of his blade. "Your flesh tasted strange... wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, either."

Jason chuckled from amusement. "Sorry to disappoint... but, don't worry, I'm not to attack you, or your friends. I'm only here for Carmen."

"I've noticed," Gaichu replied with a huff, as he spread his feet apart. "But why? Why do you want her?"

"Because, I love her."

"No," Gaichu growled, "there is more to it than that. What is your reason for wanting her? Your motives?"

Jason came to a half as he pulled out the small knife that Capricious stabbed him with. His blood was wiped away, but the pain he felt when she stabbed him still stung him. He then tapped the knife against his cybernetic arm, letting the sound ring into Gaichu's ears. "It's nothing you should worry about. I only want Carmen, because she belongs to me, and only, to me. I've helped her in prison, and I tasted her there too."

Gaichu huffed as he stiffened his shoulders. "But she holds nothing but hatred towards you, Phobos. You're just an obsessed fool."

"Maybe," Jason said as he retreated the blade back into it's holster, and dug it into his pocket. "Anyway, since you haven't stolen anything from me, I don't think there is a reason for us to shed blood. I will leave you to your hunt, but remember this: she won't be with you for forever."

"We shall see," Gaichu replied, as he heard Jason walk away with a skip to his step.

\---

Once he returned to his apartment, Jason noticed there was a small spherical drone sitting behind his door. Buddy, he thought, as he picked it up.

When he rigged into it, he noticed that the drone was lacking something, but he did not care. He turned it over in his hands and noticed that Buddy had changed since the last time he had it. It was carefully put back together, with a red line that surrounded its body.

Jason decided to pry it open, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't. Nothing could even put a dent in its body, even as he tried to tear off the red line.

Instead, the drone whirred and tap its feet on the table, before jumping from one side to the other.

Whoever tampered with this made sure that Buddy could not be broken.

At least, not yet.

Jason smiled as he let the drone crawl up his cybernetic arm.

"You could had been something like a surrogate child for us," Jason spoke to it. "Carmen can't naturally have children, but the idea of having a family with her..." Jason fell silent as soon as he felt his heart ache, and yearn for Capricious. "I wouldn't want anything more than to take her away from this ugly world. She still has her ovaries, after all... we could make our own family out there."


	9. To Be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a limit to everything... maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Violence and manipulation.

Date after date, job after job, everyone could see that Capricious was slowly but surely becoming mentally drained by Jason. When Gobbet offered her food, Capricious gave her small smile and shook her head in response, which is unusual since Capricious loves food. Gobbet stared at Capricious as she laid back onto her bed to rest, then turned to Isobel as she looked at Capricious in sorrow.

They then turned their heads to Duncan as he climbed up into Isobel's room. The girls exchanged silent glances, before they brought their attention back to Capricious. Gobbet gently placed a hand on her arm, then up to her head to brush back her bleached hair. She let out a brief chuckle as she noticed her roots were growing out.

Duncan huffed, then spoke up to break the silence in the air. "We have to get rid of Jason."

"How, Duncan?" Isobel asked. "Kindly Cheng will punish for taking out such a reliable source."

"Screw her, okay?" Duncan snarled. "It's clear that she doesn't care about Capricious' health, so let's take him out ourselves."

Gobbet frowned as she got up from the floor. "She will kill us, Gun Show... but, you know, I'm getting pretty sick of dealing with such a creep. Jason never seems to leave her alone."

"Then let's do something! Anything! We have to kill him!"

Capricious immediately got up from her bed, and yelled at Duncan, "What did Jason do to deserve that, Duncan?! Why do you want to kill him?!"

The trio looked at her in shock. Even though this was Capricious, they could tell she wasn't being herself anymore.

"Go to bed, Cap! This is not something you have to worry about anymore!" Duncan yelled.

"Oh? Really?!" Capricious nearly stumbled onto the ground, but was quickly caught by Gobbet, only to be pushed away as she lunged towards Duncan. "You never liked Jason!"

"And neither did you, sis!" Duncan clenched his hand into fists, as he brought himself forward with his tusks inches away from her face. "You never liked that bastard, so why are you suddenly acting up, huh?"

"Because... because...!" Capricious quickly bit her tongue, to the point that she started to bleed, and backed away from her brother. She began to curse herself out once she noticed the way she was acting. "W-what... what is going with me?" she said, while she clung onto her head. It felt as if someone was pounding a hammer in her skull.

"Jason is trying to brainwash you," Gobbet replied, as she crossed her arms across her chest. She watched Capricious fall to ground with furrowed brows.

"Brainwash me?" Capricious couldn't believe it. "He is actually-!" She felt something pulse within her head, similar to a shock. She then fell forward onto the ground with a thud.

Duncan knelt down to his sister, until her eyes shot open, and she quickly got back up, and ran down the stairs, to leave the Dowager Empress

The trio followed suit, which caught the attention of Gaichu in the middle of practice. He could hear their feet pounding against the floor above in a hurry, not shortly after he heard Capricious' foot steps.

Something was wrong, and he knew it.

He holstered the blade in hand, then left his room. Of course, Racter was quite busy with his work on Koschei, but without hesitation, he said, "The others had left. Once you're done, you should follow us, Racter."

Racter blinked as he turned to Gaichu in confusion. He then frowned as this could had been related to Jason and Capricious. "Very well, go on. We will catch up with you soon."

 

Capricious ran through the streets, in her pajamas and with bare feet, while she splayed her clawed right cyber hand apart. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew who she was looking for. As much as she struggled to pull herself together, and try to drag the hand across her body, she couldn't.

She couldn't control her body nor mind anymore.

Eventually, she reached to a construction site, where Jason waited for her. He extended his out to her with a smile, while Buddy climbed up on his shoulder. "Let's go together, my dear," he said.

"N-no! Stop it, Jason!" she tried to yell, but couldn't. Instead, she replied with, "Please, let's go, mi corazon."

A smile played on his lips, and pulled Capricious closer to embrace her.

No matter how hard she tried to break through his spell, Capricious wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Capricious!" Duncan yelled out, catching their attention.

Jason smiled as he shot a bolt of magic towards the ork, only to miss as he dodged out of the way. "You can't keep her by your side for forever, you know. She is meant to live a better life, Duncan."

Duncan scoffed before ran towards Jason, only to be jumped by Capricious as she punched him with her left hand. He cursed out at his sister, but he couldn't bring himself to fight back. "Damn it, Cap, snap out of it!" he cried out.

"I'm sorry," she thought, but couldn't say it. "I love Jason, Duncan. You can't change that!"

"That is not what we believe, Seattle!" Gobbet yelled out. "Come on, Jason is messing with your head!"

"I have no control, Gobbet," she tried to speak up, but the words were lodged in her throat. Instead, she kicked Duncan in the abdomen, and backed away from her brother.

"Come on, Capricious!" Isobel shouted. "We don't want to hurt you!"

Capricious blinked from hearing those words, but with a snap of his fingers, Jason made her freeze. "Come, mon amour. Let's take of these fools, together."

"Yes, my love," Capricious said without hesitation.

Gobbet cursed as she aimed a bolt of energy, only to miss as she couldn't bring herself to cause harm. "Damn it, do we have to do this?!" she cried out. "You're not being yourself, Seattle! Come on!"

Jason grinned as he brought out a submachine gun out. "You know, this is fun and all, but you're really are irritating me now," he drawled, then aimed the gun towards Duncan.

As he was about to pull the trigger, Jason saw Gaichu rush out from the corner of his eye, and brought down his sword into his cybernetic arm. Jason cried out in pain, catching Capricious' attention, and without hesitation, she ran towards Gaichu to slash at him.

With a single hand, Gaichu grabbed her by her wrist, then sweeped his foot behind her leg to make her crash onto the ground. He didn't want to hurt her either, but as he brought the sword against her neck, he was blasted away by an energy bolt from Jason.

Jason cackled as he got up from the dirt, and forced Capricious back on her foot with one arm. "Pick up the gun, my dear," he whispered to her.

Without question, she did.

"Aim it at your brother."

She tried not to, but with the submachine gun in her hands, she aimed it towards Duncan.

"Pull the trigger."

Capricious' right index was on the trigger, but she could not do it.

"I said, pull the trigger."

"I don't believe that's possible, Phobos," Racter spoke up, as he arrived to the scene with Koschei. "You see, that cybernetic hand of hers is created by me, for her. Unlike a regular limb, while it is connected to her body, and to her brain, she can will it as she sees fit, even when she is not entirely control of herself. You may manipulate her as much as you want, but, it's not possible."

Jason growled as he walked behind Capricious. "Go, attack him instead then, my dear."

Capricious dropped the weapon, then bolted towards Racter, but with a smile on his face, Koschei leapt forward and pinned her down onto the ground. He then pierced his limbs into her shoulders, making her cry out in pain.

It wasn't what anyone, even Racter, wanted to hear, but he had to fulfill a promise to Capricious. "You're the one in control, aren't you, Phobos? Why?"

Jason ignored him and yelled at Capricious, "Get up! Fight back! Come on, you whore!"

The more she struggled against Koschei's limbs, the deeper he dug himself into her shoulders. Blood oozed out of the wounds, but in her head, Capricious didn't care.

"Hurt me," she thought. "Please... bring me back to my senses... don't let me give in to Jason..."

"A whore?" Duncan growled as he slowly got back on his feet. "You called my sister a whore?"

Gaichu let out a scoff as he also got up. "Just because she hated you, doesn't mean she is a whore."

Racter chuckled as he approached Capricious, and knelt down next to her. When he held her chin to bring her attention to him, he noticed they were shimmering with joy, as they welled up with tears. "P-please..." she stuttered out, clearly struggling to break free from Jason's spell. "Kill... him..."

Gobbet frowned. "Killing him might hurt you too, Seattle... Sort of like... a dump shock, I think..."

"Just... do it..." she said. "I suffered through worse."

Gobbet exchanged looks with Isobel, then silently nodded to each other. "Okay then, but Kindly won't be happy..." She then let out a sound of disgust. "Whatever. Let's take this guy down!"

Jason saw Capricious' crew surround him at all directions. With a snarl, he surrounded himself in flames, forcing them to step back. "Carmen Santos is mine, and mine alone! You can't take her away from! We're meant to be together! Have a family together! Live our lives together!"

"You're just obsessed with my sister, you prick!" Duncan shouted. "You deserve to die."

"For what?! To live a normal life?" Jason asked in disbelief.

"No, to try and treat someone as if they were an object," Racter spoke up, as he approached the crew. "You certainly don't deserve her, Phobos."

"And neither do you," Jason replied, before he spread the fire further out.

Racter chuckled as he pulled out a cigarette to light it up with the fire, then sucked on it. "You're a shameful display of a man," he said, then let Koschei release Capricious to run through the fire, and tore Jason's other arm off. With that, he was unable to control magic any longer, so the fire died down, and Capricious felt the pressure in her head slip away.

Despite her injuries, Capricious slowly got up from the ground, and saw her crew surround Jason, as he laid on the ground bleeding. Once she grew close enough for him to see, Jason gave her a shaky laugh. "I still... love you my dear..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you ass, I get it," she huffed, before she kicked him across his face. "Now shut up and die for real this time."

She nodded to her friends, before she stepped back.

"Carmen! Carmen, wait!" he yelled.

Capricious pursed her lips as she walked away. His cried out her name repeatedly, until, eventually, he became quiet.

\---

Capricious stood before Kindly Cheng alone to tell her what had happened.

Once she was finished, Capricious kept herself straight, as if she was dealing with a prison guard.

Kindly Cheng took a drag of her cigar, before blowing it into her face. "Well, he was a jackass anyway. He may had brought in money, but, you are the real money maker, Capricious. Normally, I would had you tied up, and sent to the bottom of the ocean, but, I'd rather keep you alive."

Capricious blinked, then looked around the Mahjong Parlor, before laying her eyes on Kindly Cheng again with a raised brow. "Um... okay, then. So... I guess I can get out of here alive?"

"Get out before I change my mind, dear."

Capricious quickly nodded her head as she made her way out of the parlor.

Once she returned to the Dowager Empress, Capricious was tackled into a hug by Gobbet, making her moan out in pain from her still sensitive shoulders. "Oh, damn it, Seattle, you are alive!" she cried out, as she stroke her hair. "It's not often that happens!" Gobbet then lifted her up from the ground to swing her around in the kitchen. "You owe me money, damn it!"

Capricious let out a brief laugh, before she was gently placed down on the ground. She then turned to Duncan, and wrapped her arms around him to give him a tight squeeze as well. "I'm glad to be back to my senses... but, I am so going to need therapy..."

Duncan chuckled briefly as he patted her head.

"Unfortunately, there are no qualified therapists here in Heoi," Racter pointed out. "But, perhaps, you should spend your time to rest instead of worrying about things. Jason is dead now."

Capricious sighed as she released Duncan, then looked to Isobel and Gaichu. "I'm a lucky girl, I think. You guys really did have my back!"

"Yeah..." Duncan replied. "You better believe it, sis."

\---

Later in the night, Capricious slipped into Racter's workshop. Everything was quiet, but he was wide awake, with a cigarette in hand as he leaned against the railing. "Hello, my friend," he greeted her. "It's quite late."

"Yeah, well, I can't sleep. I don't think I will be able to for a little while, at least."

"That's a natural reaction to have, after suffering from manipulation," Racter replied with a firm nod.

"Yeah, that, and the fact that my shoulders hurt."

Racter let out a snort. "I told you I wouldn't hesitate."

"Which is another reason why I'm here. To tell you, thank you. I really owe you one, Racter."

"I believe we both have fulfilled our debts to each other." He held the cigarette between his lips, as he extended his other hand out to her. Without a hint of hesitation, she gave him her hand, and held onto his tightly. She smiled as she felt her eyes water up.

"Thank you... really. You and Koschei are something else, I got to say. I'm just happy to have you guys as friends."

Racter pulled out the cigarette to breathe out the smoke, before he released her hand. "Friends with benefits, I'd think."

Capricious let out a snort. "Hey, I only slept with you once, Racter... but, I can't say I am against the idea." She shrugged with a grin. "But, for now, let's take things slow. I don't want to ruin our relationship, by being so desperate, you know?"

"I suppose that's fair," he replied. "But, I have to admit something - I didn't like the idea of you leaving me."

Capricious blinked and turned to Racter with a raised brow. "You mean... you didn't want me to leave the crew?"

Racter shook his head. "No, Capricious..." he said as he made eye contact with her.

Capricious froze up from his chilling gaze, then slowly backed away. "Um... Racter... please don't play with me like this."

He let out a puff of smoke with a huff, then turned away. "My apologies... I think it's better-" He stopped mid sentence, as he felt Capricious' hands press against his back.

"It's all right..." she said. "I just need time to recover mentally... well, I don't think I will... but... I don't think I am going to leave anyway. APB and all that." She then chuckled as she backed away. "I... still trust you... and besides, I really enjoy our talks. So, as you tend to say, let's move forward. Together. All of us."

Racter hummed as he nodded his head. "Very well, my friend. You should go rest. Tomorrow is another day."

"I will. Thanks, Racter."

"Oh, by the way," Racter spoke up, stopping her before she could take a step on the stair, and picked up something from under his table. "Do you want this drone?"

Capricious felt her hair stand on end as she stared at Buddy in his hands. "No, please, I really don't want it! I'd thought... you destroyed and threw it away."

"That was the plan at first, but, I wanted to... recreate in my own way. I've made it so that the drone can only be broken by your cybernetic hand. Here, give it a try."

Capricious cupped her hands together to take Buddy, and stared at it with pursed lips. She glanced at Racter, then back at it, then changed her cybernetic hand into a clawed one. She dug the tip of it into the red line, then snapped it off to reveal it's insides.

Without hesitation, she used a single finger to rip the wires within apart, destroying Buddy.

With a smile, he took both halves of the drone back, then turned back to table to place them down. "How do you feel, my friend?"

"Honestly?" Capricious smiled widely, as if she was finally free from her past. "Very happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there was a lot to explore here, but, I didn't want to drag the story on for too long. I also have very little patience. But, I also didn't think I could handle writing abusive relationships properly. Ah well, hope you enjoyed, and as always, take it easy folks!
> 
> Also, seriously, at this point, it's just clear that, out of everyone in the crew, Capricious really prefers to stick with Racter and Koschei. I mean, sure, it wouldn't work out, but listen, I can't help myself. I have no self control! hahahaha But, seriously though.


End file.
